Princess Granola

Importance and Intentionality

2011-11-02T22:34:00.000-04:00

These are the two words floating around my head space the most these days. I guess we should do a homeschool lesson on the letter 'I'...

I am still cleaning out our house. Still giving things away. Still putting things up to sell. Still filling up my husbands precious truck with things that I am deciding on.

Why? Why am I doing this to our house, to our things, to our lives? Why is this IMPORTANT?

1. My husband is a tall guy. He has long feet. He wants to be able to walk from the front of our house to the back without stepping on things or stubbing his toe on a piece of furniture that I've shoved into the last available wall space. I am tired of denying him this request.

2. Time. It takes a lot of time each day to put everything away. It takes a lot of time to do a lot of laundry each week. It takes a lot of time to wash all of the dirty dishes. It takes a lot of time away from the fun and good things.

3. Pretty space. Perhaps this should be one of the least things to worry about but I agree with the idea that if your space looks nice you will be eager to keep it that way.

4. A chaotic living space makes for a chaotic brain space. I like some chaos..when I'm feeling inspired and working on some art or some writing I like to fling things around..I like paint splatters on the wall and I LOVE our bumpy, knobby, discolored, ugly kitchen floor because it reminds me of enjoying life even if it means some fabric may get stuck when I iron on the linoleum. But within the chaos there has to be room for tranquility and peace. If I have a messy art space today then I need to feel confident my kitchen can easily be clean. If I've cooked a feast for 10 and used all the dishes and piled them on the counters then I need to be able to go into my clean art space and take a breather. My kids need an organized space to help organize their thoughts and allow them space to meditate and plan and create.

5. Life's fullness doesn't have to come from stuff (or food...a whole other post some day)...

which leads to INTENTIONALITY:

I try to be intentional with my words. I love words. I love writing. I love thinking about words and rolling them around my head arena. That's why I love emailing and messaging on facebook better than talking on the phone- because I can think more about the words first...But guess what. I love my family even more than words. And shouldn't that mean I am even more intentional with how I spend my time with them?

I mean look at these girls! They are so fun to be around, and adorable, and fun, and silly, and so smart, and fun, and they will never be these ages again.

And look at this guy! Well half of his face, because I have short arms..haha... This guy is so awesome, pointy whiskers and all! Why would I rather feel stressed about cleaning up and then have to spend all evening cleaning up if I want things to be clean for the next day instead of hanging out with him? Wait, I WOULDN'T!

Goal: Get my house to a place where Grant and I can spend 20 minutes after the girls go to bed tidying up and putting things back into place and then hang out the rest of the evening.

Goal: Be able to sweep my floor every day if I so choose- and not just sweep around the clutter.

Goal: Have a reasonable amount of regular dirty dishes..maybe eventually I'll get to having no dirty dishes at the end of the day but I'm not there yet...

Goal: Be able to walk from one side of the house to the other each night without stepping on something.

Goal: Be able to spend 5-15 minutes each evening preparing for activities with my girls the next day- laying out craft stuff, packing lunches, rotating toys as needed.

Goal: Entryway- 3 pairs of shoes per person in the entry at any given time. Umbrellas. Basket for gloves, scarves, hats. One coat/jacket per person in the entry at any given time. One tote bag and one diaper bag in the entry at any given time.

Goal: Speficic art and music space for the girls in the back room....currently in progress...

Goal: Make a list of what's important for us as a family to do/have around each day and each week. Get rid of the rest.

Can she do it? Yes she can!

2011-08-28T22:09:00.000-04:00

There are four months until my next birthday. And only 9 things left on my 29 things to do before I turn 29 list. This is nothing short of amazing. I've already completed more than any other year. Here's what I have left:

4. Open an Etsy shop - this feels overwhelming and stressful but I don’t think it should. I just need to make a few things, take pictures and post them. I get freaked because I make myself feel like this would have to be my entire life’s work outside of raising my kids of course. This is still freaking me out. I had a bunch of skirts cut and ready to stock for summer but that season is over. Now I have a bunch of girl's Halloween skirts cut and ready to sew...if I can get them done in the next two weeks I can open shop ready for the holiday. I'm having such a hard time catching up my every day regular life that adding this is hard.
7. Make living room curtains- with the fabric I’ve had that’s just waiting for me to cut into it…peach and green and brown… The fabric is mostly cut and ready to sew! Trying to decide to sew these or work on etsy stuff or more sewing projects for other people.
8. Knit something, anything…it could be a potholder…I just want to give it a try. I may put this off for another year.
10. Read at least half of the Newberry Award winners since 1922. I think I'm close but haven't counted in a while..
14. Do the Financial Peace University stuff with Grant. At least once a week we discuss that we want to do this.
18. Figure how to make a buttonhole with my sewing machine.
21. Tie-Dye! I have a craft playdate set up for October so hopefully we will do this with friends!
27. Try a bottle of the Middle Sister wine that I found at Target but haven’t purchased. Maybe I'll try it with my sister's the next time we are all together...

I'd also like to add: Lose 20lbs. Yep, it's out there now. I haven't been taking care of myself as I should. I have not been putting on my oxygen mask before helping others. I've been stress-eating whole pans of brownies and bowls of ice cream. I've been snacking on junk crackers and not drinking enough water. And drinking waaaayy too much diet coke. I have been walking a few times a week but I should/could do more.

80% of losing this weight is going to be diet. I've started to plan my meals better. I freezer cooked a bunch of healthy breakfasts today. I have to plan so that I don't get caught up in eating on the go.

I'm also looking into figuring out how to make some gym time work for me during the week.

I think I should probably start a food journal but I'm not sure how to work that out.

Mostly I want to make sure I'm focusing on healthy changes and never mention the words, fat or diet- especially to Zola.

Things that would NOT be helpful for me to hear:
Why are you worrying? You don't need to lose weight!
Oh just enjoy life and eat what you want!
Look at these brownies I just made for you!
Good to hear you're finally doing this.
I noticed you'd gained some weight.

Things that would be helpful for me to hear:
I've been trying to lose weight too, want to encourage each other?
I want to go to the gym too, want to meet up there?
I found some healthy recipes that I love, want me to share?

4 months until my birthday. Lots of goals.

Inspiration Today:

2011-08-11T12:59:00.000-04:00

Meet the Crunchy Catholic Momma. I was introduced to her a couple weeks ago by my wonderful friend, Holly. I am in love with the Crunchy Catholic Momma's lifestyle...leaving the city to live a simpler life in the country. This is probably my husband's number one dream. (Right, babe?)

But it's her post that I linked to for today that is rolling around in my head. We have a daily life flow...but I would consider it more of a loose schedule than a rhythm. But I want a rhythm! I've tried something like this before but only centered around chores and it didn't last long.

I think my kids would love this. I think they would love knowing what we are going to do each day. I think they would love not being quite so sporatic.

My issue, because of course I always have some issue with everything, is that I am an all or nothing kind of personality. If I create a rhythm and then something comes up like planning for a party or a trip and I get thrown off then it is sooooo hard for me to reconnect with my plan and start again. We have a velcro wall calendar that I like to use with the girls. You can always tell when something has come up to throw off our mornign circle time because that's where the dates stop and it may stay on June halfway through August before I try again.

For today I will think on what our weekly rhythm should be...

Back-Talking 3 Year Old For Sale.

2011-08-10T15:09:00.000-04:00

I love this kid:

This is her riding at horse camp a few weeks ago.

But today she has refused to do anything I ask of her. She's yelled "NO!" at least 12 times. She refused to get out of the car in 100 degree weather. She refused to get dressed. She refused to share with her sister. She refused to go the bathroom even though she was doing the 'dance' and I knew she had to go. She refused to take a nap. She refused to let me hug her.

Days like this are trying and make me wonder if my sanity will survive homeschooling.

But we are going to keep trying and hopefully Zola and I will hug and make up when she's done taking a break in my room.

I need about 2 more solid hours of planning to get ready for this year. Zola has been working on some worksheets in her binders, so that's good. But I need to break down all of our lessons into weekly agendas so I have a timeline and a goal.

I am also still feeling that simplification bug itching me. We are putting so much time and energy into picking stuff up. Some days I feel so frustrated with myself because I'm cleaning and organizing and picking up and I know my girls just want me to sit down with them. But if I take a day and just play with them then I the cleaning stuff builds up and takes more time later. Where is the balance?

Teacher Planning Day

2011-08-07T16:26:00.000-04:00

Officially I am still in the cleaning out process... unofficially I am totally annoyed by it and stuck for the moment so I'm moving on with my life and keeping plans to clear out more stuff as I figure out what needs to go. But I must add that we've found the less stuff (toys, etc) we have out in the living space the more the girls actually play with their things. Good to know but hard to live out. It's also interesting to see the things they most play with- a box of wooden shapes and sticks from the craft area, blankets and pillows, books, dolls and stuffed animals, art stuff and dress-up.

And today is Teacher Planning Day! My first one ever for homeschool. I am loving it and hating at the same time. My table is covered in notebooks, folders, lists, curriculum, workbooks, pens, craft magazines, cups of green tea, calendars, page protectors... I'm getting there but I think it's going to take more than one day.

I started out by creating a list of subjects and goals within those subjects- things I want to work on with Zola this year. (this year means from now until next August) I am trying to set a pace for us but I've never done this before so I guess I won't see how it works until I'm looking behind us- and that is a very scary thing. I want to be able to say that if I do A, B and C then she will read and know how to add and grow a flower and recite the 50 states. But really all I can do is take into account what I know about Zola and come up with lessons that fit her and hope she will learn. It's frightening and thrilling at the same time to know I am responsible for the things my kids are learning.

Once I had the goals made I made a list next to each subject of materials to use...

Goal List for Zola August 2011-August 2012:

PHONICS and WRITING
- Vowel Sounds
- Sight Words
- Blending Letter Sounds
- Word Families
- Letter Writing
(Hooked on Phonics Pre-K Level 1 and 2, Kindergarten Level 1 and 2, BOB books from library?, worksheets, WYKNTK)

MATH
- Count to 100
- Simple Adding and Subtraction
- Measuring; bigger vs. smaller, etc.
- Patterns
- Sorting
- Writing Numbers
- Money Identification
(Cooking with mom, Block Manipulatives; use number stickers to order and count, pattern art, mazes, worksheets, WYKNTK)

HISTORY and GEOGRAPHY
- U.S. and World Maps
- North, South, East and West
- Presidents
(wall maps, president and flag flashcards, money, WYKNTK)

ART and MUSIC
- Baked Clay Statues
- Famous Paintings
- Weaving and/or Knitting
- Sewing
- Circle Time Music
- Seasonal Activities
(WYKNTK, Art manipulatives, monthly self-portrait)

SCIENCE and HEALTH
- Growing Plants
- Seasons and Weather
- Animal Needs
- People Needs
- 5 Senses
- Protecting Our Planet
- Magnets
(WYKNTK, nature journal, experiment journal?)

BIBLE
I have no idea what I'm doing for this yet... We have The Jesus Storybook Bible and love it but I feel like I want to do something more specific using the stories and I'm not sure if I have the energy to create it all myself. So....this is still an argh for me.

WYKNTK = What Your Kindergartner Needs to Know I was introduced to this book by my lovely friend, Ann, who did pre-k homeschool with her daughter this past year. It's a whole series and I had been checking them out from the library but just found my own copy at Border's going out of business sale. The preschool version is good but we've already done most of it on our own so I'm using the Kindergarten book as jumping off place for us this year.

This is not an exhaustive list but it gives me a place to start. We can add or take away as needed. And our co-op hasn't had a planning day yet so I haven't included those units but I'm hoping they will coincide with my goals to make our months cohesive.

I have two 3-ring binders for Zola. One pink and one purple and each as a Hello Kitty folder in it. I'm going to let her decorate the outside with paint, markers and stickers and one binder will be for math worksheets and the other for reading and writing. She will be able to do worksheets each day and as she completes them she will get stickers and then she can take them off the rings and put them in the folder.

For myself I have a binder with my yearly planner (I tried but I just can't get used to a digital one..I need it in writing) and my lesson planner and a folder for things I want to try or lists of curriculum or whatever.

In my lesson planner I'm going to break down the Hooked On Phonics and list the lessons to do each week- then we can decide as our schedule dictates if we do more than one in a row or one every other day or whatever. That way it will take us about 12 weeks to complete the Pre-K levels and hopefully we can start the Kindergarten levels in January. I think she's going to love being able to read. She's already sound-spelling words when we talk so now we need to connect those sounds to the visual words on a page.

We've been doing math around the house and Grant started adding and subtracting with her and she's catching on pretty quick so we'll work with manipulatives for more of that.

History and Geography is going to be new for us. We do some map stuff with our hallway wall maps and we talk about places when we go on trips but I'm excited about doing more of this and curious to see how she catches on. And history is just more story which we do love in this house so I think it will be fun.

Art and Music are already constants in our daily life so this seems like it will be easy to continue. I would like to do more planning so I have a list of activities and supplies in order. This will lessen the last minute stress of wanting to do something but not knowing what or not having the supplies on hand.

Science is mostly about nature and being outside this year. Hopefully the weather will cool off soon and we get outdoors! I know our co-op is excited about doing this together.

Bible...until I decide what else to do we will continue with our praying together and talking about God and learning some songs and stories...

Zola has also started helping plan meals and cook more. Last week she made pancakes for dinner- she mixed, poured and flipped and she loved that made it for all of us. I would like to find more recipes she can do herself to keep her interested.

I also made myself a binder of arts and crafts activities. Now when I see something fun online or in a magazine I can just print it or cut it out and put it in there and then instead of paging through a stack of books every time I want to find a project I have an easy visual of a bunch of age-appropriate things we can do. This should make planning easier.

Now that I have my goals written out I want to create weekly lessons for the next few months to keep us on track and give me less to do on a week to week basis.

Oh! And a great site I found today for my homeschool and other teacher friends: Donnayoung I read through it today and am using some of her charts.

Step 3- Sewing Space

2011-07-12T14:01:00.005-04:00

This is a hard space for me... I like to do a lot of different kinds of arts and crafts... Sewing, painting, drawing, paper crafts like cards and scrapbook stuff, wire working, beading...plus stuff to craft with the girls... it's usually a very messy space and when it's messy I don't feel motivated to do anything.

I need to pare it down. But that is HARD. I went through my fabric and pulled out a garbage bag full to give away. I actually cried when I put it in Grant's truck. But that was a week ago and honestly if you ask me right now what's in that bag I can't even remember!

Here's my new sewing space:

I love, love, love that I can tuck it all in to this cabinet and close the door! This whole very large cabinet was given to me by way of a phone from my lovely friend, Elizabeth who heard our friend, Beth was getting rid of it and she got it from Sarah who got it from Julia who got it when it came with a house she bought (at least I think that's how it all went down...). But I consider myself it's one true love. This thing is a monster..huge and heavy and absolutely perfect for me. It seems to be handmade and it feels like me. Here's some more stuff I have in it:

The top cabinets open to show all of my paper crafting supplies, floss thread, markers, crayons, pens, pencils, a bag of mismatched socks to turn into puppets, cards, spray adhesives (must keep up high away from the kiddos) and some empty baby food jars and lids.

These fishing tackle boxes are perfect for holding my sewing supplies. It took three to house my embroidery floss.

And one for pins, safety and straight, small thread, snaps, buckles, bobbins, needles..

And one more for my thread. I made the compartments the right size for each color and have the matching bobbin in there with it! I used to have them all jumbled in a drawer so now they won't get tangled any more! Plus organizing my thread was on my to-do list this year so I can cross it off!

Step 2 - Toy Clean Out

2011-06-29T15:23:00.003-04:00

I can finally see the floor!! We've been busier than originally planned this week but I've been working here and there. I've got three garbage bags full of toys in the truck just waiting to be donated or sold! 3 garbage bags!! So why does it feel like there is still so much stuff?!?!

Life still feels crowded in our living room so I need to do some more work.. Here's how it is right now:

The two pink bins are holding Duplos and the Little People dollhouse and park stuff. The piano should probably go in the closet for now with the other instruments, waiting to be rotated in a few weeks. The green thing behind the piano is the doll baby changing area and sink...thinking about also drawing some burners on top, adding some knobs and making it double as a kitchen... And the overflowing toy box full of dolls, blankets, pillows and stuffed animals. We call this little table the 'fun table.' I can't remember why...but a lot fun stuff usually does happen there. The plastic white piece with drawers holds crayons, pencils, stencils, coloring books and paper. I should get rid of the coloring books because they rarely use them. They love blank paper but those drawers are smushed full of paper with one or two lines marked on them. It feels wasteful. There must be a better way to let them have paper and stuff without it being such a mess.

The overflowing bookshelves. I must stop buying cheap Target bookcases. This one was $16 on sale and we've had it for about a year or so and it's falling apart.. granted we do shove it full of books but I wanted it to last longer. I'm imagining creating some kind of reading corner over where the pink bins are and using this shelf for lighter and easier to manage things like puzzles and games, which are currently stacked on top....?

I thought about getting rid of all the Little People but they do like them. I think we just had too many sets out. So I put away several sets in this bin and put all the small pieces to each set in a labeled ziploc bag. I'm going to put this in the closet and swap them out as needed. I put the potato heads in here too. And may add some stuffed animals.

And I put 4 more of those pink bins in the closet. The contain: wooden blocks, kitchen stuff, more games and puzzles and musical instruments.

So that's all I've got so far... I haven't made it into the back room yet...and I still don't feel like I've thinned things out as much as I was imagining... Grant's pushing for just tossing it all out. We will see...

The Beginning

2011-06-26T13:01:00.002-04:00

This is what I'm starting with: Total messy diaster. We seriously kick a path through the living room most evenings in case we need to get downstairs in the middle of the night so we don't step on something and get injured. This picture doesn't even do it justice. You can't see the cereal crumbs and handfuls of tiny black rocks thrown out of the fireplace.
The kitchen/art floor... millions of slippy magnets everywhere. A big plastic kitchen that was all the rage for several months last year but lately is just a nuisance when we try to actually shut the door to the bathroom.
And the mess continues into the art/office/spare/storage room. Yep that's a big sand and water table on top of Zola's desk. The table obviously hasn't made it's way outside where it belongs yet. And those shelves are full of art supplies that would be much more useful if we could get to them. And where in the world am I supposed to set up the stuff for homeschooling???

SIMPLE means...

2011-06-25T14:26:00.003-04:00

less clutter. less stuff. less dishes to do. less toys to pick up. less laundry. less cleaning. less stuff falling out of the closet when we open it. less commitment. less fighting about it all.

more time to play! more time to rest! more time to relax! more room in my brain! more time to create! deeper relationships! more time for love!

There are posts on this blog that I've been meaning to follow-up on... there is another blog I started writing for then slowed waaaayyy down because of time... I have a long list of craft projects and homeschool projects I'd love to do for myself and with my girls. I would love to open this etsy shop I keep talking about.

This is very scary for me. But it is time. Time to make goals. Time to get rid of stuff. Time to lessen my emotional attachments to objects- just writing that statement makes my eyes tear up..oh my..

But what I love most in life is spending time with my family. And all of this stuff is taking up way too much time.

Deep Breath.

Goal #1
Toy overhaul.
:: To be completed this week.

With or without Zola and Niva's help. I am going to get rid of toys. I will assess what they actually play with and take out the rest.

I feel like right now they have so much stuff in such a small space that they don't play with most of it because they can't get to it.

I keep a lot of things out of emotion. Because someone special bought it or I have a good memory of the object with one of my girls.

But it's too much.

Grant and I almost cry every night when we have to think about picking it all up. It sucks. Even if the girls help clean up earlier in the day it's never totally done.

At least their birthdays aren't until the Fall so we will have time to really think about what they will ask for...maybe bowling or movie gift cards...or camp tuition... or art class tuition... we just have to get a handle on this stuff.

Kids need things to play with. Things that belong to them and they can use at their own will. But I feel that when they have too many choices it becomes overwhelming and they don't choose..or they don't take care of their things because they know there is always something else.

So here's what I'm going to do...

Go through all the toys and put whatever I want to get rid of into plastic bags or boxes and store in Grant's truck (sorry babe..it's a POD again). Leave them there for a couple weeks and see if the girl's ask for any of it. See if they play with what's left any more.

Why does this feel so terrifying!?

Walking Billboards

2011-04-29T09:06:00.004-04:00

I give up. It's time to admit it. Time for a confession.

I am a crazy mom.

I had so many ideas of what motherhood would look like before I actually became a mother. I knew I would care about the things my kids ate and the things they played with but I had no idea I would care this much. It's intense.

The fuel for my fire today:

I checked this book out from the library yesterday and I finished it yesterday.

Orenstein puts into writing so many of the things I've been saying for the last 2 years.

The thing that's been running through my mind this morning is her question of when does choice hop the fence into coercion?

Do my daughters really get to choose the kinds of things they want to play with? Because that's the culture we live in today, right? Have it your way, pick and choose, manufacturing products cheaply in order to have more stuff to choose from... but if that's true why do we have clearly marked aisles and shelves in stores that pimp (Orenstein's word, not mine) pink to my girls and ensconce Lego's and trucks in blue for the boys? Why is it so hard to find blue or yellow or green clothes for my daughter's baby dolls. And in that line of thought why is it so hard to find a male baby doll in the first place!

If I allow Zola to watch Sleeping Beauty or Cinderella or Snow White or The Little Mermaid, does she have a choice but to love them? That's all she sees on her eye level at Target at Walmart at Publix...so she has already internalized this idea that if you are a girl then these things are for you. So why would I perpetuate that idea by encouraging it at home?

Grant and I purposely try to avoid clothing that advertises the store from which it came. No white t-shirts boldly labeled, OLD NAVY or GAP across the front. Do we hate these stores? No. Do we shop there? Yes. But we pay them for their goods and we do not pay them so that we can be their walking billboards. I think they (and other businesses we use) do enough advertising without writing on us.

So why would we choose to do that with our children? Why would we bedeck them in Disney so that they can be walking advertisements?

This is a rant... I'm feeling feisty today so I'm bleching it all out right now. But I do know there is plenty of gray area. Murky waters... Zola has an E.T. shirt. She LOVES this shirt. I know it is essentially an ad for the movie. She wore it to school this week in fact. But the only people there who understood were her teachers. She also took her new E.T. stuffy to school and when she saw the other kids looking at it in confusion she stuffed it in her school bag rather than explain. Before the school year started her favorite color was blue or black... At home she still loves black but invariably if someone outside of our house asks her favorite color she says purple or pink. At age 3 my daughter my daughter already understands there are some things that are culturally innapropriate for her because she's a girl. (Seriously, WTF?)

I'm okay with her wearing E.T. though. It is a good story- about human (or humanized I guess since E.T. is an alien..) connection, about family taking care of each other. And it's not a brand. It's not a merchandise franchise just trying to get my kid to buy their things. In fact the t-shirt and the doll are it. There are no 3-year-old sized high heels or make-up kits with E.T.'s face on it.

A top Disney executive actualy told Orenstein that part of their Princess brand requirements is that when multiple princesses are pictured together they are not allowed to look at each other. Now that I know I'm watching and I'm with Orenstein, it's freaky! So why are we supposed to encourage them to role-play a princess who doesn't even have any friends? If one girl is Cinderella and one girl is Ariel, how do they play together? What are we doing to group-imagination? to group-play?

I don't believe that my girls came out of the womb demanding only the toys with pink sparkles. So why is that what I'm being told when I walk into a store, watch a toy commercial or check out Halloween costumes online?

I am not anti-princess. I am anti- the idea of princess being used as a brand to lure girls (read: any female consumer) into the land of over-consumption in the name of "I should" or "I have to in order to fit in."

I have some more thoughts on this book that will probably surface in the next few days...and not all of them are actually in her favor.

Etsy here I come!!! (#4.)

2011-04-21T14:50:00.002-04:00

4. Open an Etsy shop - this feels overwhelming and stressful but I don’t think it should. I just need to make a few things, take pictures and post them. I get freaked because I make myself feel like this would have to be my entire life’s work outside of raising my kids of course.

I am getting ready. I am finally in a place where this seems doable and exciting. I've been honing my sewing skills recently and I've discovered that sewing feels natural and right to me- like an extension of myself. This is the only thing other than writing that has ever felt like that.

I used to make jewelry. I was obsessed and I amassed a TON of materials. I started a business in Miami and did shows and made jewelry for several bridal parties. It was fun and I loved the colors but I had a hard time coming up with anything original and I felt frustrated by that. My skills were good but not great and eventually I fell out of love with the craft.

Sewing is in my blood. My mom and her mom are amazing seamstresses...quilting, halloween costumes, wedding dress making kind of great at sewing. I'd love to be that great some day. The great part right now is that I'm actually enjoying the process of getting better...usually I want to be instantly great at something or I give it up. This is a good place to be.

Here are a couple recent projects taht will give a little sneak peak into what's upcoming in my soon to be opened etsy shop:

Piano Skirt made for sweet Sohpie's third birthday:

Cowoboy skirt made for spunky Emily's fourth birthday:

A View I'm Loving Today

2011-04-11T20:37:00.003-04:00

Maybe I need to get some pink ones... I'm actually holding out until I can afford to special order a pair of yellow one star laceless chucks... my current pair is starting to crack around the edges and the holes are expanding so maybe sooner than later...

Check it out!

2011-04-11T13:15:00.003-04:00

I just added a new page to contain my reading adventure through the Newbery Medal Winners. 10 down!!! Lots to go...

# 2. and # 29.

2011-04-07T13:25:00.006-04:00

2. Bake something with yeast. I am terrified of yeast. There have been disastrous results in the past…

I did it!!! Thanks to my lovely friend Kristen from who I borrowed a bread maker I have successfully made pita bread twice! And Grant and I agreed that it was the most amazing pita bread we'd ever had... moist and slightly fluffy and mmmmm...yum.
Next step: try to make a loaf of whole wheat bread wihtout the bread maker.

29. Start a garden.

Thank goodness I only pledged to 'start' the garden. I suck at gardening. I have one half-brown aloe plant left. Zola and I started 6 types of plants inside- peas, tomatoes, cilantro, basil, daisies and sage. They all started to grow. Then they all started to die. I transplanted the remaining peas and cilantro outside hoping for a miracle but they died too. I watered them, I sunned them, I loved them. I don't know what else I could have done.

When my friend Kristen found out about the demise of our first garden, she gave us the aloe along with a growing tomato plant and a growing basil plant. We had a crazy storm a few nights ago that took care of them...knocked the pots off the porch and scattered the plants.

Do I dare try again?

# 11

2011-03-11T13:26:00.003-05:00

- Read the newest Dexter book and any subsequent books that may come out this year.

DONE!

I read this in a couple hours one night after the girls went to bed. I find this series wildly entertaining but not something I would read over and over again. They read like good beach books to me.

One thing that I really love when I read Dexter books is that they are set in Miami and I'm familiar with all the roads and parks and buildings and agencies and culture he writes about. It feels homey and comfortable to me.

And Jeff Lindsay is a very funny writer... Dexter's inner monologue tends to make me laugh out loud. I appreciate his style.

The first book in the series is still my favorite..it's what got me hooked in the first place. But this was still worth the read.

RSV weaned my child; in other words, Why RSV Sucks.

2011-03-05T20:18:00.002-05:00

Niva hasn't nursed in 3 days and 23 hours.

The last time she nursed was just after 9pm on Tuesday night. The next day she refused to nurse, refused to lay down, refused to eat and cried for 80 minutes straight. Double ear infections. Her first ailment treated by an antibiotic. But I wasn't surprised because the day before she was coughing and tired and started turning blue so we rushed her to the pediatrician where she was tested and a couple hours later diagnosed with RSV.

At least I understood why she didn't want to nurse. Her ears hurt. They gave her an antibiotic shot in the office on Wednesday and a prescription for numbing drops that we promptly filled and were instructed to use every 1-2 hours. Every time I put the drops in her ears she screamed for 10 minutes. We used them a few times and then stopped. FeverAll suppositories around the clock. And Niva still wouldn't nurse. She would ask by signing but then wouldn't when we got ready.

Back to the doctor on Thursday. Niva still not nursing or eating much. Ear infections are worse, one eardrum is perforated. My baby was so sad. Another antibiotic shot and a prescription for oral antibiotics to start the next day. And still FeverAll suppositories around the clock. Niva asked to nurse all day...pitifully shaking her hand in the sign...I'd get ready start to lay her down and she'd scream and cover her mouth and shake her head. We tried it with her sitting up. No go. More screaming.

Today she was back to her regular happy, mischievous self. But she still won't nurse. I had pumped the last few days and she was drinking it from a cup. But I when I tried to pump tonight the milk was gone. How did that happen so fast?

I know there are women out there who don't want to nurse, who say it's just not for them, who don't want a baby attached to them in that way. I am not one of those women. I've been nursing my babies, one then the other, for 3 years. When Zola weaned it was time. It was gradual, mutual and I could look forward to nursing the new baby I was about to birth. This time I just feel sad. Really, really, really sad.

It's not fair that my baby's last time nursing was painful for her. That she screams at the sight of my breast. That up until this week she was nursing 4-6 times a day and now she's not. It's not fair that this short time is over and Niva and I didn't get a choice.

I keep crying about it. My heart hurts. I didn't get to prepare. I didn't get to savor that last time. I feel minimised.

RSV sucks.

Embracing Hippy-dom

2011-02-23T13:04:00.004-05:00

i just succumbed to the shaving process again- my underarms and legs, that is. it was so long and beautiful but my preconceived notion of societal pressure wore me down with this warm, shorts weather.

plus, grant was kind of freaked.

i with i could get to a place of confidence where i could embrace that granola part of myself and not feel self-conscious.

i was a very prissy little girl...just ask my mother or see the pictures. matchy-matchy, giant hair bows, sleeping in curlers for kindergarten, the whole shebang. but as i got older it became less important for me to match my underwear to my outerwear and more important for me to find comfort in my own skin.

then i started going to concerts and missions work and even later having my babies with help from midwives. see the connection?

at these concerts there was always the group of grungy hippies off to the side, girls in long handmade skirts, dreaded hair pushed bag with a bandanna, barefoot, tank tops with sewn on patches. in the mission field i found women going natural as a necessity and at times to fit in with their surrounding culture. and then i met a mid-wife in training when i was pregnant with zola who embodied total hippy-dom- brewing sun tea in ball jars, giving second hand books as birthday presents, long hair, gentle spirit, beautiful. and she had the most amazing arm pit hair i've ever seen. (please don't feel embarrassed for me that i just admitted that, i'm not! it was seriously amazing!) and it was so soft! she hugged me one day while wearing a sleeveless shirt and if felt like the softest blanket imaginable was on my arm.

and i must add in, linda. the first woman i knew, loved, respected and admired who was a wife and mom in a generally uptight community who didn't shave and was okay with it. gives me hope of being a hippy within streamlined culture.

i've been through the princess woman phase of delicate jewelry and pearl earrings. i've worn ann taylor business attire and panty hose for work. i own a very traditional little black dress. i did the college-age jeans and a t-shirt thing for a while. i've been down the traditional maternity-wear route. and the post-pregnancy i can only fit into sweatpants and my husband's t-shirts routine.

and while these were all personality off-shoots of who i was at the time, i think it's time to ring in my season of the hippy.

i'm ready to try it on and see how it fits me.

i'm so glad my ever-consistent husband loves me because i can't commit to anything (except for him and my daughters) and not in spite of it.

A recent photo of me i like to call: Emily of the Barn.

And a little shout out to Jen over at Raising a Green Family for posting first and giving me the confidence to confess all of this hairy mess. Glad we are friends.

29 Things to do Before I turn 29 next January

2011-02-18T14:10:00.002-05:00

I didn't make a list last year. Niva was born in December and by January I was in the throes of post-partum depression and could barely imagine making it through the day much less a list of fun things to do in the next 12 months. But we did all make it through! And today I am smiling and excited about the next year!

Here are a few things I'll be working on:

1. Blog more- shouldn’t be hard since I only had 12 posts last year.

2. Bake something with yeast. I am terrified of yeast. There have been disastrous results in the past…

3. Explore home school curriculums

4. Open an Etsy shop - this feels overwhelming and stressful but I don’t think it should. I just need to make a few things, take pictures and post them. I get freaked because I make myself feel like this would have to be my entire life’s work outside of raising my kids of course.

5. Organize my thread

6. Go on a date with Grant

7. Make living room curtains- with the fabric I’ve had that’s just waiting for me to cut into it…peach and green and brown…

8. Knit something, anything…it could be a potholder…I just want to give it a try.

9. Make the girls matching Summer outfits.

10. Read at least half of the Newberry Award winners since 1922.

11. Read the newest Dexter book and any subsequent books that may come out this year.

12. Homeschool the girls- I guess this kind of a gimme since we are planning on doing this anyway…but I need something on this list that I know I will finish!

13. Buy more second-hand instead of new stuff.

14. Do the Financial Peace University stuff with Grant.

15. Buy less stuff. Don’t buy anything just because it’s a ‘good deal.’ No bargain bins, dollar shelves, clearance stickers. If you don’t LOVE it or NEED it, don’t buy it.

16. Have less clutter at home- see above.

17. Get a fun summer haircut. (sorry Grant.. The 2-year long-hair stint is almost over)

18. Figure how to make a buttonhole with my sewing machine.

19. Make something for my new nephew! (to be born in May!)

20. Frame and hang photos of the girls in our main living space.

21. Tie-Dye!

22. Teach Zola to sew

23. Paint Grandma Boyle’s chair a pinkish redish color

24. Cover Grandma Boyle’s chair in the green and blue fabric

25. Finish Stevie’s owl and mail it to her

26. Finish Rachel’s owl and mail it to her

27. Try a bottle of the Middle Sister wine that I found at Target but haven’t purchased.

28. Make a reusable calendar to teach Zola about months, days, etc.

29. Start a garden.

Niva - 13.5 Months

2011-01-25T20:00:00.005-05:00

Well I missed writing on her birthday so let's play catch-up about Niva:

She is so different from Zola. I'm assuming that one day they will get tired of me saying that. But she really is. In general she's always slept easier. Where Zola is calm, cool and collected (even keel like her dad), Niva is more like me, emotional, tempermental and a bit unexpected.

She loves: dolls, puppies, curious george theme music, any music, dancing, playing instruments, eating- if there is something red on her plate she eats it first, she eats her vegies but prefers fruit, doesn't eat much meat but loves grains and of course she loves ice cream, doing anything zola is doing, zola, hugging zola, looking for zola when we say zola, holding zola's hand, cars and balls, socks on her hands, kissing, babies, kissing and loving on other kids, screeching (i've never heard a kid this loud), figuring things out, climbing, books, milk, nursing, eating paper and other things she finds laying around, bath time, being outside

She doesn't like: when Zola sits on her, when Zola steals her toys, when Zola can't understand what she's saying, teething

This is a girl who knows what she likes and she'll let you know if she's not happy. She's fiesty and a bit wild. Grant taught her how to come down the stairs by herself because she kept wanting to do it herself and she was falling and getting hurt. She's always trying to climb on the furniture or use chairs as stools to reach things on counters.

She started walking at 9 months and can now walk backwards, spin, stand on one leg and she's attempting to jump but we haven't seen her get any air yet.

Words she says in context: Mama, Mom, Mommy, Dada, Dad, Daddy, La or LaLa for Zola, Baby, Puppy, Banana, Ahp for Apple, Biaper for Diaper, Ow for Out, Uh-Oh, Buh for Bye-Bye

Words she signs in context: More, Nurse

I'm so excited it's my first birthday!

Wearing the owl skirt mom made for my birthday.

Ballerina Balance

Loving her first birthday cake! (blueberry muffins with cream cheese icing)

She LOVES babydolls

She lets us know when she's mad...

She loves to paint, color, draw

blowing kisses

The best shot I managed to get of them in their Christmas clothes.

bundled up for the cold in Pittsburgh after Christmas

Her first toenail paint! She picked blue and you can see that she got a little wiggly!

She loves to eat whole pieces of fruit by herself.

Dear Niva Girl... You are amazing. I love watching you try to figure things out every day. Like how to get down off that stool you just climbed up on. Or how to take off your shoes and socks. Or how to take off your diaper or shirt. Or how to put that diaper on the babydoll. Or how to get that object in that box.

You are fun to be around and you make me laugh every day. Your dancing has taken on some new moves recently and you throw your hip out to the side and freeze- it cracks me up!

You make the sweetest kissy face when you blow us kisses. And the way you lay your head under my chin just so when I rock you makes me feel warm.

I love that you are sleeping so well at night and that you love sharing a room with your sister.

I love how gentle you are with babies.

And how excited you get to see other kids your age.

And how you yell DADA every time you see him.

I love watching you mimic your sister and I pray every day that you two will remain close and love each other and protect each other and be peace to each other for the rest of your lives.

I love watching you grow up...even though each new step means the end of something else and that usually makes me cry. I try to give you as many hugs and kisses as you'll let me every day.

I love you.

Mama

Zola turns 3!!!!!

2010-11-16T19:52:00.003-05:00

My firstborn turned three today! I'm so excited for her because I remember how fun it was to turn another year older when I was a kid... but it's bittersweet because it's going so fast! Where did my little baby go!?!
Here are some photos from our great day:

Rock and Roll Face

Checking For Rain

Sweet Smiley Girl

Curious George Birthday Dress

3 Years Old!

She's having a Curious George themed birthday party on Saturday. He's a current favorite around here. I found this piece of Curious George fabric in the remnant bin at Joann's a couple months ago and took a while figuring out what to make. I've made her jumpers in the past but they haven't turned out well. But I've been seeing a lot of tutorials on blogs about shirring so I gave it a try and I am so pleased with the result! She LOVED her dress and I'm hoping it's big enough for her to wear for a while.

Some things Zola likes right now:

Movies!: Wizard of Oz, FernGully, Madeleine, Matilda, Curious George, Parent Trap, Nemo, Alice in Wonderland

Music of all kinds. She loves to sing and makes up songs and inserts silly words into songs she knows. She knows most of the score from the Sound of Music but hasn't seen it yet. She also likes to play instruments. We think she's pretty good at catching on to songs and staying in tune when she sings. She has a good ear and has started occassionally speaking in a British accent because of Parent Trap.

Dora the Explorer, Curious George..those are her favorite characters of the moment. But she's been really into SuperWhy this year...I think she got tired of all the repeating shows but she'll watch when it's a new one.

She likes villains...the black oil in FernGully, all the witches and giants...she thinks it's fun and she really enjoyed Halloween this year!

She's still into dance. She isn't taking a dance class this year because she's in preschool instead. But we checked out some dance DVDs from the library a few weeks ago and she enjoyed participating with the dancers on the screen.

Foods: spaghetti, pizza, bread and butter, grapes, apples, bananas, oranges, any kind of fruit, bunnies and goldfish, cheerios, yogurt.

She used to love vegetables and she'll eat them now most of the time but not with the same gusto. She still doesn't eat meat.

She's still good about trying everything we serve her and will swallow it even if she doesn't like it. But her menus are shrinking...we'll keep working on it though.

Her vocabularly is constantly exploding. She loves to add new words and she likes knowing multiple words for the same thing...like a little thesaurus. And she's starting to be curious about reading. We won't push her but we will encourage and point out words and letter sounds. Numbers are a whole other ballgame though...she can count but she's never gotten past 10. She knows bigger numbers but she doesn't care. And number recognition is not something she enjoys. She knows upper and lower case letters and loves doing word worksheets but when we give her one on numbers she finds shapes to color in or checks out the letters in the instructions. Not sure how to encourage numbers when it's not our favorite subject either. Books abound in our house and we read all the time.

She finally FINALLY FINALLY sleeps ALL NIGHT LONG. 11-12 hours most nights. This has just happened in the last few months. And there are still nights when she wakes up and wants one of us to come hug her or something. She still naps about every other day. And on the days she doesn't nap we make her rest in her bed with books for about an hour.

Zola loves preschool. She's in a Tuesday/Thursday morning program with other 2 year olds. It was a slow start because she was sick off and on for a while and we did some traveling but we're in the routine now. We think it's good for her to have that time on her own. And it's good for Niva to have some one-on-one attention.

She also really likes to dress-up. She loves her costume box and she changes her clothes at least once a day. And she has her own style. Sometimes I lay out outfits that match so she has a few to choose from and she'll pick one thing from one outfit and one thing from another. I've been taking lots of pictures to show her when she's older.

She loves her little sister but still has jealousy issues and fights for our attention. That's hard to see. She does try to take care of Niva a lot and gets frustrated when I insist she's beeing too rough. Niva is starting to communicate better though so that helps.

OH! Art! Zola draws dozens of pictures every week and loves to ask Grant to take them to work. She prefers plain white paper over coloring books.

I love you Zola!!!

Princess Book

2010-09-22T13:36:00.002-04:00

One of our new favorite books around here:

The Apple-Pip Princess

by Jane Rey

Zola loves it because it's about princesses. I love it because this is one cool chick.

5 Little Pumpkins

2010-09-20T14:00:00.003-04:00

sitting on a gate.
The first one said, "Oh my! It's getting late!"
The second one said, "There are witches in the air!"
The third one said, "But I don't care."
The fourth one said, "Let's run and run and run!"
The fifth one said, "I'm ready for some fun!"
oooo oooo went the wind.
Out went the lights.
And five little pumpkins rolled out of sight.

This is one of Zola's all-time favorite rhymes. So I decided to use it for some Halloweeny decorations this year.

First I taped down a large piece of brown butcher paper. The I included a color lesson by having her stir up some yellow and red paint to make the orange. We painted the whole paper orange.

We left it to dry and when she went to bed last night I cut out five pumpkin shapes. Then I used some black construction paper to cut out different shapes for eyes, noses and mouths. I used some green construction paper for the numbers and gray cardstock for the speech bubbles. And brown paper for the stems.

This morning I layed it all out for her and she had a lot of fun picking out the faces and gluing them down. Once they dried this is what we taped up on our stair rail:

Make-it-Easy Monday

2010-08-30T15:07:00.000-04:00

Zola is taking her first antibiotic right now because of case of the polka-dotted throat, otherwise known as Strep. boo. Given her penchant for HATING to take medicine (I'm serious. When she needs a pain reliever she opts for a supposatory over liquid by mouth!)... I came up with a medicine chart.

I grabbed a piece of paper she'd been doodling on, flipped it to the blank side, and wrote 'Zola's Medicine Chart' with a blue marker. Then I cut slits along the bottom until I had 20 little tabs. I posted it on the refrigerator. Now she can pull one off each time she takes her medicine and she has a good visual for how much she has left before she's all the way better.

I'd post a pic but my camera is acting up. Just picture those notices people put on bulletin boards where you can tear off a phone number to call about a rental or something for sale.

Zola's First Day!

2010-08-24T12:55:00.003-04:00

Today was Zola's first day of school! AH! My belly was feeling all topsy-turvy this morning..I thought it was pre-school jitters until I thought about that brownie I had for breakfast, that'll do it.

She was a bit nervous though...who the heck isn't on the first day of school? But she apparently had a blast and has said yes to everything I've asked- Did you play outside? Did you play with the kitchen stuff? Did you make friends? Did you go to the potty? Did you play with the train table? Did you have fun? Lots and lots of fun? Do you want to go back on Thursday?

And she was totally rocking the skirt I made especially for her first day. I was secretly panicing that she wouldn't have a great first day of school outfit (a must-have in my family growing up) but I had purchased this fun strawberry fabric on vacation and was able to whip this up while the girls took simultaneous naps yesterday!

Checking out the note I out in her pocket. It said, "Zola: I love you. XOXO, Mommy" She could read her name and smiled when I told her the rest.

NaBloPoMo.

2010-07-05T21:42:00.002-04:00

What's one thing you think it's worth spending money on? What's one thing you always cheap out on?

This could also be a confession of ways I'm not environmentally friendly...eek. I am ok spending money on our power bill in order to keep the house cool. We set our thermostat much lower than the suggested 78-80 degrees in the summer. That is hot. I confess to being a creature that enjoys being comfortable. We set our A/C at 74. And our bill is expensive. But it's worth it.

I cheap out on clothes for my self. I don't buy myself clothes very often and when I do it's always clearance rack specials.

What's your favorite movie?

2010-07-01T13:56:00.002-04:00

What's your favorite movie?

Steel Magnolias. Hands down. Sometimes I think that maybe it will be something else...I try to force myself to pick another movie but it doesn't happen. This one makes me laugh, makes me cry, makes me want to be a good person who loves others and takes care of those around me. Plus it kind of makes me want to be Sally Field.

Other movies I like...
Anna and the King- my favorite, 'i'm sick and just want to lie on the couch' film.
Matilda- my favorite to watch with Zola
FernGully- the first movie I remember seeing in the theatre
Terminator 2- Grant's favorite movie (i just like watching him talk about it)
The Princess Bride- my favorite quotable movie
Anything with 007. wowza.
Dirty Dancing- because it makes dancing look so fun

i'm sure there are others.

Hat Rack Project

2010-03-22T14:40:00.006-04:00

I had been trying to come with an idea for this hat rack for a few years. Grant's mom gave it to me after I turned one into a jewelry organizer for my sister. I didn't need a jewelry organizer but it took me a while to come up with another idea...but I finally firgured it out... the blank wall above the changing table in our downstair's 'everything' room:

Add the hat rack:

Add some pretty silver buckets out the $1 shelves at Target and some ribbon from the $1 section at Michael's that I already had in my collection:

Fill with all the babies' lotions, stain stick, diaper covers, snappis, medicines, etc.:

Close-up:

I love this project. Cheap, easy and helps with organization.

Provocative

2010-02-01T11:02:00.004-05:00

About 10 years ago I participated in a summer christian leadership training program called Josiah Project. It is run by Rock the World YMA . I lived with four other 20ish-somethings and we participated in team building activities, inner-city mission work experiences, youth ministry opportunities and cross-cultural mission projects in Belize. After spending 3 months living in close quarters we got to know each other really well.

At the end of the summer one of the directives was to access each other's good and not so good qualities. We lifted each person up with encouragements, thoughts on their future, prayers, and all of the amazing qualities we could see in him or her. Then we used our ears to hear and our eyes to see the rough places that could use improvement or that could possibly cause a challenge for his or her future.

All in all it was a great activity. I heard things that would not come up in normal life conversations.

I've gone back to the lists several times in the last 10 years when I've needed reminders about my strengths and also when I want to check on my progress at fixing those things they saw that might block me in my endeavors. Helpful and interesting. One of the obstacles someone said they saw for me was my tendency to act and speak provocatively. I was surprised that someone was actually calling me out. I knew I was flirty (the attention gave me a confidence boost) and I knew I liked to cause people to react at my words, but I didn't know that I was beyond the ordinary. Among other things I did that summer and on other occasions near this person- I walked through a church hallway from the bathroom to my sleeping room wearing nothing but a towel, wore skimpy bathing suits, stood on top of a suburban wearing a short dress, enjoyed surprising people with my vast sexual vocabulary (I could talk a good game), somehow caused a grocery bagger to leave his name/number in my bag of groceries, made out with someone (not that summer but on another Christian mission project)... I'm sure the list can go on. And that's just how I was being sexually provocative. I also encompassed this word on another level.

I love to question authority. I rarely take things at face value. I constantly seek for more and I enjoy pushing people beyond their limits (and often patience with me). I don't want to be the status quot. I want others to be provoked by what I say. I like starting and continuing conversations versus small talk (does anyone enjoy this?).

The other day I took both my girls to Target. When I shop with both I put Niva in a front carrier I've concocted out of a long piece of material so that I can chase Zola through the store as needed. I went in to Target to drop off a prescription. One guy came to the desk to help me and then called another guy over to help too. About 20 minutes later as I went to readjust Niva in the carrier I realized her foot had caught onto my tank-top strap and pulled my shirt down to my waist leaving my totally hot, beige-colored nursing bra out for the world to see. This is the extent of my flirtiness these days. Sweatpants, unwashed hair and an exposed nursing bra.

While my desire to be sexually provocative has waned over the years (having much to do with being married and loving every minute with my husband), my desire to provoke people in other ways is still burning bright. But somehow my spirit seems tame these days. It's been a while since I've offended someone (at least on purpose). I'm the authority now as a stay-at-home mom, so I guess I could question myself? I knew staying home would be hard but I am just now realizing the reason...it's not merely about other adult interactions because then grocery store encounters would suffice... I miss being frustrating. I miss inciting others to action. I really miss pissing people off- in a good way though, not in a way that flicking someone off in traffic could take care of. I miss the intellectualness of being a challenge.

husband

2010-01-28T08:18:00.003-05:00

so the husband of mine decided to start a blog. good for him, i say. now my question is, is he doing it to spur me on in my writing, a 'hey, this is easy. why aren't you doing it more?', or is it really just for fun as he says...?

regardless of his reason it does make me feel like i should write more- here on my blog and on my literature stuff in general. thanks husband.

goal

2010-01-23T14:01:00.002-05:00

one goal for this year: not to read any parenting books. to just go with the flow for niva and let her lead. do not be obsessed with what developmental stage she 'should' be in. just be on the lookout for anything odd but otherwise, enjoy her. :)

Would you like a side of urine with that?

2010-01-20T12:29:00.002-05:00

Zola started potty-training last week. We've had a little potty in the bathroom for a long time and she has sat on it occassionally and used it a handful of times. We have constantly encouraged her to use it and have read books, watched movies and sung songs about going potty. But she never seemed very interested.

Then suddenly she asked to wear her panties one day and she stayed dry the whole day- running to the potty when she needed to go. Amazing. So it's been a little over a week now and she's still wearing panties most of the time. We average 2-3 accidents per day. And she's starting to try to go more each time so she doesn't go back and forth for small amounts. The first few days she was peeing 12 or more times a day. That was crazy. She seems to be saving it up more now and only going a handful of times.

She's pooping on the potty too. She's been nervous about pooping for a few months now...needing me to hug her or sing our poo-poo song before she can relax and let it go. That has translated into lots of back and forth to the potty without going and jumping up and down and sometimes even asking for a diaper before she relaxes and lets herself go.

The amount of urine we've all over the house is astounding. When she has an accident she really makes it count. She starts peeing and then she walks and keeps peeing until it's from one side of the room to the other. oh my.

She did so well going potty last week that we took her to Target on Saturday and she picked out lots of new big-girl panties- elmo, abby caddabby, hello kitty, flowers, owls and deer, plain colors. Sometimes I think she has an accident just so she can try out a new pair.

Most exciting for us is not having to clean adult sized poo out of a diaper! wahoo!

Zola at almost 23 months

2009-10-07T21:01:00.003-04:00

On the 16th Zola will be 23 months... I can't believe my daughter is almost 2! A quick status update on my Zola-Girl.

- she knows all of her colors and has been curious about shades so we're introducing lights and darks.

- she recognizes all of her letters. (m and n get confused sometimes)

- she can count to 10 with some assistance

- she knows her left and right feet and hands

- her sentences are getting longer and it is very rare that we don't understand what she's saying. most of the time other people understand her as well. she has a good ear for articulation.

- she has memorized most of her books and loves to check out new books from the library every couple of weeks.

- her favorite activity is doing projects- anything with crafty stuff, painting, glue, glitter, etc. she will do anything if we say we'll do a project afterwards.

- she's still doing great eating different foods and she usually tries everything. she still doesn't like meat, with the only exception being chicken from chik-fil-a. she eats all kinds of fruit and lots of vegetables.

- sleeping is still touch and go. some nights she will sleep all night until 6am or so and other nights she wakes up off and on until she gets in our bed.

- she loves playing with pillows and blankets and making nests. she loves playing with clothes and shoes and she likes to take a purse everywhere.

- she also loves music and has started dance classes- creative movement. it's really fun and she's picked up a lot of new moves and i think it's been helping with her coordination and balance.

- she's still a super snuggly kid and likes to be in my lap or on my hip most of the day. she'll sit on my feet and play while i cook or do the dishes and if i sit down on the couch she is immediately in my lap, usually with a stack of books to read.

- friends are becoming very important to her. she likes to see them regularly and includes them in her prayers and conversations all the time. "rory likes cheetos" "hold alisa's hand" "tickle lillian"- she tells us these things every day. and she has a huge crush on jeff. she blushes when you ask her about him and she loves to hug and kiss him. it's so cute.

i guess that's all for now... i can't wait to see how much more fun she gets as the months go on. :)

Zolaisms

2009-08-16T20:29:00.002-04:00

I think I 'Zola at Church' could be a weekly posting...
this week:

The priest said Jesus (not unusual here)
and Zola says, very loudly,
"Jesus loves ME!" and pointed to herself.

The lady in front us starts laughing.

Then Zola pulls at my shirt, looks down the neck, and
yells out, "BOOBIES!"

At this point the lady is almost convulsing.

These are just amid Zola's usual "Amen"s and "Alleluia"s...
this kid cracks me up daily.

Great Giveaway!!!

2009-08-13T09:15:00.001-04:00

Fiddledeedee is having a great giveaway sponsored by All Children's Furniture, who carries everything from kids furniture to toys. Stop by before 11:59am on Friday, 8/14 to enter!

Grocery Goodness

2009-02-20T10:34:00.002-05:00

I've been trying really hardly lately to use coupons and sales to cut down our grocery bill... today was the best day EVER. Here are my stats:

I spent out of pocket $80.64
I saved $89.90
PLUS I have a rebate to send in for a $10 Publix giftcard b/c of things I bought today!

Holey Moley.

Yay!

Night-time Prayers

2009-02-11T19:22:00.002-05:00

The last part of Zola's bed-time routine goes a little something like this... We're rocking in her room and she's nursing, the lights are off and we say our prayers...

Me: Now I lay me... (and the rest of it)

Zola: Amen (she stops nursing for her part)

Me: And what are we thankful for today?

Zola: Dada

Me: I'm thankful for dada too. I'm thankful for the way he (insert something great grant did that day). What else are we thankful for?

Zola: (still nursing)

Me: I'm thankful for (insert whatever happened that day)

Zola: Mama

Me: Oh, so you're thankful for mama too? Well I'm thankful for you. I love you very much.

Zola: (continues nursing)

Me: Guide us as we wake, O Lord and guard us as we sleep. So that awake we may watch with Christ and asleep we may rest in peace.

Zola: Peas? mmmm.... (lip-smacking)

Me: Let's pray for our sleep tonight. (I continue to pray for the night, good sleep, etc. at some point I usually say the word Jesus)

Zola: Cheese?

Me: No. I said Jesus.

Zola: Cheese...mmmm.... (lip-smacking)

Me: All done?

Zola: Done. Blankie? Bunny?

Then we snuggle with blankie and bunny for a few minutes before I put her in the crib and she gets comfortable and goes to sleep.

What a fun way to end the day.

27 Things

2009-02-01T21:08:00.002-05:00

So, yesterday was my birthday and you know what that means... lots of alcohol and crazy, naked streaking through the neighborhood. Actually that's a lie... I'm still nursing so there wasn't any alcohol.

It also means that my new list is complete. After assessing the 26 things I was supposed to do last year (before I turned 26) I realize that I may have overestimated my abilities. Did I really think that I would finish several scrapbooks, sell my jewelry, write a book, tour the capitol and paint my house- all while trying to figure out how to raise a new baby? Since it was my first trying the list I'll give myself a break. I did however finish over half and I'm going to migrate several items I didn't finish over to this year.

And since my friend Jessica over at ...the geib gossip... reminded me today that I hadn't updated my blog in a while (your turn now jessica!) I figured I should go ahead and start my 26th year with at least the appearance of being organized. And so, without further ado, here's my list:

1. Learn to (and do it!) cook something German
2. Make Zola a super cool felt board
3. Finish Zola's first year scrapbook
4. Frame and hang our family photo
5. Send my sister's random packages/letters
6. Get, frame and hang Zola's one year photo
7. Eat a meal at Reangthai
8. Make peppermint bark (yummm...)
9. Take Zola to the Tallahassee Junior Museum
10. Send something (anything!?) off to a publisher (not something for work)
11. Make Zola a picture book of family members
12. Host a BBMC scrapbook night
13. Make Valentine's Day cookies (like with my mom when I was little)
14. Take Grant on a surprise date (shhhh!)
15. Only trim my hair (no major cuts)
16. See "Gone with the Wind"
17. Make Zola an outfit (that we will not be embarrassed for her to wear out of the house)
18. Create a weekly schedule
19. Do a painting project with Zola
20. Learn how to make bagels and share them with friends (if edible!)
21. Try a starfruit
22. Read "Jane Eyre"
23. Tie-dye lots of stuff
24. Make Zola some slippers
25. Make cookies for Grant's office
26. Try a new wine
27. Invite friends over for a themed dinner

Post-Holiday Joyousness

2008-11-28T21:09:00.003-05:00

I love the day after a holiday. No one has to cook because there are so many leftovers. And the shopping deals are fabulous if you venture out. And everyone is smiling in their sweet potato induced food coma.

Oh, and you can eat pumpkin pie for breakfast.

Sleep?

2008-11-25T20:36:00.005-05:00

We're back to obsessing about sleep again. Or the lack thereof.

I have recently begun the night-weaning process and we've gone from Zola nursing 6-8 times to only once or twice per night. Amazing. Plus she was going down each night so easily... we followed our routine and I could put her down awake with no problems.

But (isn't there always one of these?)...

the last 3 days have been rough. She's still only nursing once at night but she's been restless and not wanting to go to bed. Crying and then going to sleep for less than five minutes before waking up and crying again. And she won't let me leave her room. She will snuggle into her bed and I will think she's asleep, wait a few minutes, but as soon as I put one foot out the door she's sitting up, wide awake, crying. This has been happening in the middle of the night too... one night she was up off and on for 2.5 hours.

And the napping has been just as bad. She'll sleep for 20-30 minutes and then not want to go back to sleep. A couple of times I've been able to hold her and she'll doze for a bit longer.

I'm exhausted. And going crazy with the lack of personal time.

She did this around 10 months... I remember the restlessness- that's what led to the 6-8 nursings at night... I'm hoping we don't go down that path again.

I think it's a growth spurt... she's been looking really chunky lately (more so than usual, that is) and that's what happens right before we notice she's gotten taller. She's also becoming more agile- climbing, walking faster, etc. And her vocabulary has been expanding at a rapid rate... All things that lead to restlessness and clinginess.

On the brighter side- Zola has been so good at playing by herself recently. She will wonder off and find her toys or more often her books and entertain herself for 40 minutes at a time at least once and sometimes twice a day. It's been fun to watch her imagination at work and especially fun to hear her singsong voice as she reads to herself.

After the Low-Country Shrimp Boil Party on Amelia Island

Zola Turns ONE!

2008-11-17T20:35:00.006-05:00

Well Bugga...yesterday was your first birthday. Yep. In one day you went from being months old to being an entire year old. 365 days. Your dad and I keep wondering what we did before we had you. Especially now that you're walking... you keep us busy every second of the day.

We had a fun time yesterday... a small party with our close-by family and a couple of our friends... cake and ice cream... snacks and presents. Oh and lots and lots of balloons.

You and your dad like to make funny faces.

In fact ever since you woke up from your nap yesterday afternoon and came downstairs to see the many balloons tied to chairs and the banister and your highchair and your changing table... you have run around pointing and letting us know about all of the "baaallloooons!!" I think it's your new favorite word... along with puppy and uh-oh, of course.

And speaking of cake... you didn't put your face in it like some kids (myself included, just ask your Gma about it) but you did stick your finger in the middle of a flower. Your Grandpa Buddy was standing by very excited- he would touch your arm and encourage you grab the cake but you held back and took your own time and eventually you did end up with the essential bits of icing smeared across your face and up your arm.

You were also very keen on sharing your cake with everyone. I'm pretty sure most of the people in the room licked some sugary goodness off your fingers.

So your first birthday is over but I've been told this happens every year.

As I watched you today you actually seemed older. Those four (!) upper teeth are helping out with that. And your walking is less 'frankensteiny' and your vocabulary is expanding and your play-time is more imaginative and you sit and ask us to read for longer and longer periods of time and you are starting to assert your independence in not always wanting to be carried and in deciding for yourself what you will or will not eat... you are growing up. And your parents just don't know how much more of this they can take.

The other day you said "I love you Dada." That was the first sentence you put together yourself. Your father melted. Keep it up and he might actually buy you a car for your sixteenth.

I love you baby girl.

Mom

Musings

2008-11-15T19:02:00.003-05:00

It's been a couple of weeks since my last post... being that my husband is a founding (and currently only) member of HAB I can now tell you that we've been out of town. We spent last week in Fernandina Beach on Amelia Island just outside of Jacksonville... and it was FABULOUS.

Grant had another training class so Zola and I spent our days strolling around the island, swinging a park, walking around the marina and getting diet cokes at a very cool local restaurant- T.Rays (well, that one was just me). If you are ever looking for a vacation spot in Florida, Amelia Island would be a great choice. There are tons of great shops and restaurants and you can walk from one side (intercoastal waterway) with the marina and ships to the other side (beach!). And we also totally reccommend our hotel.

We got back last night and spent today unpacking and cleaning up around the house (well..Grant spent the day doing laundry and then watching the Gator game) because tomorrow is ZOLA'S FIRST BIRTHDAY!!!!!!

I can't believe the baby that was trying to kick her way out of my stomach at this time last year is already turning one. We're having a little bitty party for her tomorrow and hopefully I'll get some pictures up next week.

On another note I made a really fun dinner tonight. Publix was not on our list of things to do today so I had to make-do with what I had on hand and I must tell you it turned out pretty tasty. Last week Grant's favorite salad dressing was on sale- BOGO- but they only had 5 on the shelf so I had to add one more to make the sale so I picked up a bottle of Kraft Italian Pesto Dressing and Marinade b/c I thought it looked like it might be good... Tonight I boiled some frozen chicken legs, warmed up some peas, sauteed a tomato and tossed it all with the dressing and a bag of these fat little football-shaped pastas. And b/c we love cheese we added a bit of parmesean- bravo to myself. Maybe you want to come over for leftovers tomorrow. :)

Pumpkinhead Zola

2008-10-28T21:03:00.003-04:00

Some cute shots from our visit to the pumpkin patch. It was the first time she had seen pumpkins and she was very excited. So much so that we bought one and have taken it everywhere with us over the last couple of weeks.

Edited by my sister, Stevie

11 Months

2008-10-26T20:00:00.010-04:00

All of a sudden we have a walking, talking toddler. Zola is walking all over the house, climbing everything and adding new words to her vocabulary every other day. These are the words we understand:

Hi, Mama, Dada, Amen, Book, Ball, Baby, Hey

She's also singing (La La La), saying 'moo' when she sees a cow, and trying to repeat whatever we say. Her third tooth has recently made it's appearance. Teething seems to be getting harder for her with each tooth. This one is on top and it took weeks to break through- including several rough nights and purlpe, blistery gums. It will be really sad if this is what she has to look forward to for the next year.

Things are not slowing down over here travel-wise either- St. George Island, A stop in Pensacola, and 2 weeks in New Orleans. Here are our favorite shots (pumpkin patch photos to follow in another post):

St. George Island, FL

Walking on Pensacola Beach

New Orleans, LA

The view from a hotel room

How Grant and Zola spent the evenings...reading, "Moo, Baa, La La La"

Photo shoot in a cool park downtown

Zola LOVED dancing with the street musicians

Photo shoot in a beautiful courtyard we came across

In the hotel dining room

The Audubon Aquarium - So fun!

Please don't poo on me!

Petting a shark

It's the extremely rare ZolaFish

Happy Birthday Grant! At the Crazy Lobster... After trying a fabulous Hurricane.

Sundays (or Mondays) are for Food

2008-10-20T20:35:00.001-04:00

Sunday: Cubed Pork Steaks, mashed potatoes, peas

Monday: Black Bean Enchiladas, fresh pineapple

Tuesday: Book Club for me (yay for margaritas!), so husband will be having leftovers from Sunday- minus peas, plus broccoli

Wednesday: Out

Thursday: Leftover Enchiladas

Friday: Usually homemade pizza but we have company this week so I will be making pasta shells stuffed with pears and asiago cheese in a light red sauce, and some kind of chicken and bread and salad

And on This Week for Dinner, Jane has promised an upcoming recipe for Thai Chicken Pizza...mmm... I am looking forward to that for next week.

New Wardrobe

2008-10-11T21:23:00.003-04:00

Today I told Grant that I am in need in of a new wardrobe. And not because of my post-baby, nursing fluctuated body- but because I am in dire need of a new style.

And I am 100% sure it will be more Granola than Princess.

This is was the final straw:

We went to an outlet mall today... when we go to an outlet mall it usually takes up most of the day and involves hours of walking. So I thought to myself, 'Emily, you should be sensible today.' That was #1.

#2. I wore a black Ann Taylor Loft tee with a cute neckline and flirty short sleeves... Black = no stains and invisible sweat.

#3. I wore a pair of red Ann Taylor Loft capri pants. Not so bad unless you inquire about the many zippered pockets where I kept my phone, credit cards and cash- so I wouldn't have to be bothered with carrying a purse. All I can say to myself at this point is, Thank God I didn't wear a fanny pack.

#4. I wore sensible tennis shoes with socks. No cute flip-flops or sandals for me... No siree. I went all out today. My feet were cooommfffyyy. Yeah.

#5. The mom haircut. Grant assures me that it is normal for all new moms to cut their hair short in the name of convenience and maybe even looking older. He's also hoping that I grow out of this phase quickly and that my hair grows back even quicker. But I do offer one excuse- I did have a very cool short cut and color a few months ago...and my current style can be fully attributed to the 'growing out' phase. Plus, it's actually a good haircut... but a short, bobbed do, coupled with this outfit...well, I'm pretty sure you're getting the picture.

#6. There is no #6. But if there was it would probably involve crumbling tissues in my pockets and granny panties and wiping off my daughter's face with my spit (oh wait...I have done that one).

So in summation- if you have any hippie skirts or funky shirts from your pre-mom days that you have willingly boxed up in favor of comfort and sensibility- please, oh please send them my way.

And in case you haven't seen it, this is what I want for Christmas:

Mom Jeans

WALKING!

2008-10-09T21:57:00.002-04:00

Zola took 11 steps today- BY HERSELF!

I think we have an official toddler on our hands people. Oh my.

Here's a photo of her walking on Pensacola Beach.

She's on the move, people, she's on the move.

2008-10-02T18:57:00.004-04:00

It has been another HUGE weekend for Zola; develomentally that is. Will this ever stop?

In addition to knowing where her head and her belly are, tonight I asked her where her toes are... we haven't tried this before but she immediately grabbed her toes! Of course lots of clapping and 'yeahing' ensued.

And yesterday she decided she could now climb the stairs. All the way to the top. Quickly.

And this evening I handed her an empty diaper box (one of her favorite toys, among water bottles and altoid tins). I turned around to pick up some toys and when I looked back at her she had turned the box on it's side, pushed it over to the cedar chest and proceeded to climb up and grab the picture frames we keep at the very back edge- the place that used to be out of her reach. She had a problem, formed a plan and executed it. We are pretty sure she's a genius.

Obviously this means that she must be feeling better. The snot sum was significantly lower in our household today. We also discovered a new top tooth just below the surface- which may have been the cause of some of the snot, fever and general crankiness this week.

Thats alota snot. No itsnot. Exactly.

2008-09-29T12:03:00.003-04:00

Yesterday was Sunday, the day usually set aside to think about food for the week. But yesterday was also apparently the day for snot. So I ate cinnamon rolls for dinner and my daughter just wiped her nose on my shirt and my jeans and the floor and her blankie and occassionally she'd scream while I wiped her snot on a tissue.

Poor kid. Today her nose is all red and it's still running... where it is going and when it will stop, nobody knows.

Until then.. here's one of our favorite WTF? Zola moments. She has these often.

Grant is almost done with his cold and mine is still towards the beginning I think... sore throat, to be followed by sneezing and snot.

Maybe I'll feel like thinking about food later... hopefully after I wash the dishes that have now breached the counter and moved on to the stove.

Magical Moment

2008-09-26T10:23:00.002-04:00

I love that magical moment- when we find the exact second Zola needs to take a nap- when she nurses and takes herself off (!) and then she climbs up on my shoulder and snuggles in and I feel her warm, milk-sweet, baby breath on my neck. And then she actually lets me put her in her bed and without complaint she grabs her blankie and bunny and curls up to sleep. sigh. Magic.

Sunday is for FOOD

2008-09-21T15:58:00.003-04:00

Menu thoughts for this week.

- i have some marinating, raw green peppers and onions and zucchini leftover from grilling out last night... i think i will put them in a baking dish with some chicken and some sweet potato chunks and bake it all together for a while... maybe with some rice.

- chicken tortilla soup (from our freezer)

- pizza for friday (so far I've done, chicken barbecue, french bread, my own crust w/ vegies... perhaps we'll try english muffins?)

H.A.B.

2008-09-19T20:33:00.002-04:00

This evening I'm sitting at the computer reading through my daily blogs (read: trying to spend 5 minutes ALONE after an entire day spent with family)... when Grant sidles up next to me and proceeds to fill the entire space around us with a cloud of dense, ass-stink. As I begin to hurl he mentions that he may have eaten a lot of hummus earlier.

Pretty sure I'm never making hummus again. Or if I do I will just put it right out in the open on a refrigerator shelf where he will never find it.

As the smell becomes more and more repugnant I informed him that I would be blogging about this incident.

"Emily. We're going to have to lay down some ground rules for blogging" he says.

I ignore him.

"Remember the 'Craigslist Incident'?" He scrapes the last of the hummus from the bowl.

Seriously though. The 'Incident,' he refers to, was one time (ONE TIME!) that I had someone meet us at the grocery store that we frequent that happens to be close to our house. Now we have a "Family Craigslist Rules List"...

"Craigslist is different from blogging." I probably should have just kept ignoring him.

"But you're giving out personal information!" His pitch is rising now.

"YOU don't even read my blog!"

"I read it every day!"

"Then what is the last thing I blogged about?"

"Zola."

"I think this conversation is over now."

Later he tells me that he's going to create a new club.

H.A.B. = Husbands Against Blogging

Love Thursday

2008-09-18T09:14:00.003-04:00

I cannot explain how much I love her.

Mooo

2008-09-17T09:31:00.002-04:00

Zola has a lot of gas lately. It seems to be the main culprit waking her up at night. We hear a cry and then some loud (LOUD) gas and then more crying and usually she needs me to help get her back to sleep.

hmmm...

I think I'm going to cut out dairy from both of our diets for the next few days and see if that clears up the problem.

Now to find other things to eat with calcium...

Is she growing?

2008-09-16T13:10:00.002-04:00

Last night Zola slept with me all night because I could not get her to stop nursing! She did this a few weeks ago and I had heard that babies typically go through a growth spurt around 9 months...but at 10 months, too?

She has also been refusing to eat fruits and vegies in favor of meat or beans or eggs or yogurt...all high protein. More evidence?

I guess we'll find out at her 12 month appointment.

Sleep, what's that?

2008-09-15T09:32:00.003-04:00

So a few weeks ago we decided to start trying harder to get Zola to sleep all night. I read some books, talked with a great friend whose daughter happened to be in the same position, made a plan. Persistence, Consistence, Patience.

After a couple of night it was working! Zola was sleeping up to 6 hours at a time. BLISS, I tell you, BLISS. We were getting more sleep which equaled more energy and we were being much nicer to each other during the day.

Alas...I guess all good things come to an end. I started noticing it was getting harder to get her down for her naps. Persistence, Consistence, Patience. But it just kept getting harder. I was fighting her for almost every single nap. Upwards of an hour or more each time. She just refused to sleep. So I regressed. After the back and forth of sit up, stand up, throw everything out of the crib, shhhh, it's time for sleep....I started napping with her. I mean, she had to get some sleep, right? And I was exhausted.

And then nighttime sleep took a turn towards wakeful. The plan wasn't working. She'd just play and ignore my very Persistent, Consistent, Patient plan. Until I left the room. And then she'd scream and throw her loveys on the floor and cry until I came back. Shhhh... it's sleep for time. it's sime for teep? oy.

And then she was suddenly back in our bed for part of the night. She's teething we say. She had some really bad gas this evening, maybe that's her problem. Her bones must be aching from all that growing... do you want to go get her and bring her in here? Yes. Okay.

Last night she was up for 2 hours. From 1-3am. Nothing was getting her back to sleep. Grant and I are borderline delirious from sleep deprivation this morning. I just got her down for a nap- by herself, in her crib- but only after an hour of crying off and on and finally being rocked to sleep.

I guess it's back to the plan. Persistence, Consistence, Patience. But when she will be consistently sleeping? That's what I'd really like to know.

But then she smiles in the morning and says "olley olley olley" in that funny voice and maybe give a little fake laugh and we crack up and pretend it wasn't that bad.

Sunday is for FOOD

2008-09-14T19:05:00.004-04:00

Let's see...what are we going to eat this week...

Tonight I am making:
Apricot Chicken (Recipe by Jane)
Whole Grain Rice
Green Beans
Bread

On the menu for the rest of week (in no particular order):
- Spaghetti or Lasagna w/homemade meat sauce (frozen from last week's large pot)
- Egg Foo Young
- Leftovers

Zola has been fairly adventurous with her eating recently. Tonight she ate her mum-mum dipped in smushed black beans. She won't eat black beans off a spoon but she will eat them like crazy if she can do it herself with the mum-mums.

She is a big fan of turkey, chicken and ham. For lunch today she ate 2 slices of turkey. Yogurt has also been a big favorite recently. The yogurt made for babies makes her sick (as in puking all over the floor) so we give her regular adult yogurt and she loves it. I think it may be giving her gas though so I'm trying to give it to her in moderation.

I've been trying to use one new recipe each week. Apricot chicken for this week. One of the best parts about being married to Grant is that even if a dish turns out so bad that I won't eat it, he will.

Not I Sewing Master Am

2008-09-12T15:21:00.003-04:00

I just finished my third jumper for Zola. This time I threw the pattern out the window (not really... I just hid it under a box). It turns out I was actually making a shirt for something the size of a large eggplant. Surprise!

In my head it was going to be this really great flared summer, tie-shoulder, dress. When she wakes up I'm going to try to wiggle her in it.. which she will love and ask me to do over and over again... and I will try to take a picture... if she can hold her breath for that long.

6 years. Or 6 dozen eggs. You choose.

2008-09-11T19:01:00.003-04:00

As of last Sunday I have been married for 6 years. I have been married for almost one-third of my life. (picture circa 2002)

We went to McDonald's- in honor of our wedding night*. And then the in-laws came over and we went to the dollar movie theater to see the new Indiana Jones film. Which by the way is now charging $1.75 per ticket. We realized we'd been out of the loop for a while. It was still better than $10 at a regular theater.

*After our wedding my dad took us to our hotel and being as we had no other transportation, no money, no desire to call any friends to pick us up and take us out, we had to settle for whatever was in walking distance for dinner. And so we went to McDonald's. And I had chicken nuggets. At the time I thought it was all romantic - 'young, broke, newlyweds dine at micky's.' Then I went through a time where I was all- 'is it okay to eat fast food on your WEDDING night?' Now I just think it's funny.

Mommy's Nose

2008-09-11T18:56:00.003-04:00

Three times today I asked Zola, "Where's Mommy's nose?"

And three times today she touched my nose!

This is the first time she's pointed to something on someone else. I always wonder if I will be this excited about these kind of things with the next baby. I think I will though... it is such a wonder to watch her grow and learn.

One of her favorite games is 'tent.' We lay on the bed or on the floor and use a sheet/blanket as a tent. She LOVES it. She'll talk and wiggle and try to hold it up and pull it down and then push me to put it back. She is so happy under her tent. We might have to get her a real one.

9.5 Months

2008-09-03T08:40:00.011-04:00

In 2 weeks Zola will be 10 months. Double digit months. There's no going back from there.

In the last few weeks she has met some HUGE developmental milestones:

FEEDING HERSELF

Corn is Delicious!

MASTERING THE XYLOPHONE

FISHING WITH DAD

'Four' Real.

EATING MORE BERRIES

What's on my belly?

BOILED EGGS ARE DISGUSTING

Seriously Disgusting.

SWINGING AND MAKING FUNNY FACES

PUSH-UPS

VOTING IN HER FIRST LOCAL ELECTION

Can you see my tooth?

CLAPPING

MODELING MY FIRST ATTEMPT AT SEWING BABY CLOTHES

PULLING UP!

READY FOR HER FIRST NAMED STORM (FAY)

In addition, Zola took her first step!!!! I'm hoping to get the video uploaded here soon. Yes, I just happened to be videotaping her when she decided to take off! She has also started rolling over, going from her stomach to sitting, and crawling. Well... sort of crawling. Grant has dubbed it as the 'dead-leg crawl.' She tucks one leg under and leaves the other leg hanging behind while she pulls herself across the floor with her hands. It is hilarious to watch and hopefully I will have a video of that soon too!

Her one tooth has also been growing in more. And we can see a couple others trying to poke through but they haven't made it quite yet.

With all this rolling and crawling and trying to walk we are all exhausted! And it happened so suddenly that Grant and I are scrambling around the house trying to get everything baby-proofed!

Zola has been saying 'mama' and 'dada' for a while now but only recently in context. Most days when Grant comes home she squeals and will start yelling 'daaa-eee,' just missing that middle 'D.' She has also started flapping her arms when she dances and if you ask her where her belly is she'll pat it.

I'm tired just writing about everything she's doing these days. And I just know more will come.

Your Mama

2008-08-27T13:57:00.002-04:00

Your mom would probably even say your turd is somehow artistic- perfect for a coffee table book on crap- perfectly formed and somehow beautiful.

I can understand this now.

I am blinded by my daughter's brilliance. I know she will never be perfect, she will have flaws, there will be people who do not like her (even though I will not understand why), she will fail at times, and she probably won't be good at everything (but most likely she will good be at almost everything), but she is perfect for me. We coexist in a way I had never understood before. We abide in one another.

And therefore, I am the mother that took a picture of her first turd and text messaged it to my sister.

And therefore, I'm pretty sure every macaroni necklace, drawing of a tree (oh! so that's what that is!), finger painting, made-up song about a purple giraffe, belch, lost soccer game, botched dance recital, silly story...will be precious to me.

And therefore, I will probably tell her she could sell her macaroni necklaces, publish her stories, be the world's best tone-deaf musician, dance for the president, and sell that coffee table book with her first turd on the cover- all before the age of 5.

8 Months

2008-08-01T21:03:00.003-04:00

It's been another busy month for the baby girl hence the copious amount of photos this time!

We took a mini-vacation to Mexico Beach (Thanks Kennedys!), where Zola LOVED the water and playing in the sand...and Grant and I LOVED the relaxation.

Then Zola and I left Grant at home (so sad) and hopped on a flight to Pittsburgh for 11 days. We played with grandparents and Aunt Stevie for a few days and then drove to my Nana's house for the weekend for a Setliff family reunion. Zola loved playing with her cousins and hanging out with her Great-Nana and aunts and uncles. Then we drove back to Pittsburgh for the rest of our time and even got to spend a night with our Smith friends, Emily and Elora! Zola was so excited to see her friend again. (So was I!)

Anyway, we made it back to Tallahassee where Grant was waiting (pacing until our return is more like it!). When we got to the house Zola and I discovered a brand new orange kitchen, where all the dishes were clean, a new kick plate on the front door and new shelves in the freshly painted utility closet. Grant says he never wants us to go away without him ever again...but if he stays that busy I don't know... :) He couldn't believe that she came back with her first tooth! Babies change so fast...

So now we're all at home trying to catch up on rest and enoy the rest of the summer. And we hope you are doing the same!

Love,
Emily and Grant and Zola

alien baby
wooden spoon drumming
aunt stevie is weird
box car
can i eat it?

mini-opa

8 Months- Continued

2008-08-01T20:52:00.003-04:00

aunt hayley kisses
4 generations
david reads to zola
me and my nana
sisters
daddy's home
publix balloon

Mexico Beach

2008-08-01T20:39:00.002-04:00

This Week for Dinner

2008-05-18T18:44:00.003-04:00

One of my favorite blogs to peruse in my spare time is This Week For Dinner. Jane has inspired me to start planning ahead...making lists...cooking fresh...being more prepared. I've been at it for several weeks now and it's going great!

To further encourage myself to continue weekly meal planning I'm going to post my lists on this blog- along with recipes and perhaps an occasional picture. So go on over to TWFD to see what Jane and others (in the comments) have on deck and then come back here for my personal menus. Bon Appetit!

It's too hard for me to put meals on exact days because our schedule can ramble according friends in town or super exhausting days...so each week I usually plan for 3-4 meals (and leftovers) and then just cook whatever will expire first and so on. If the week goes by and we miss something it's usually something I can either freeze the ingredients for or carry over for next week.

This week:
- Sausage, Corn and Potato Chowder
Breakfast sausage (browned), Drained canned corn, potatoes (peeled, chopped, slightly microwaved), evaporated milk - mix in a large pot, add salt, pepper, garlic, simmer until thickened

- Panko and Coconut Salmon, green beans, whole wheat cheese tortellini with pesto

- Italian sausage, rice, broccoli, carrots, mushrooms

That's a lot of sausage this week...but so it goes when your in-laws go out of town for two weeks and empty out their refrigerator into yours.

Confidence

2008-05-01T09:50:00.003-04:00

I'm tired of reading stuff that tells me how to be a parent. I'm tired of reading one thing that says to let the baby cry it out at night...and then another that says if you do that it will scar her for life... I just want to be a confident parent.... go with my gut... love on my daughter.

Love Thursday

2008-04-03T14:33:00.002-04:00

Z flying high with her dad on Easter. The two of them went to Macy's and picked out her dress for the occasion. Grant has decided that they will do this every year...just baby girl and dad on an Easter dress shopping trip.

Photo Sessions with Z

2008-04-02T17:04:00.002-04:00

This is the face Zola makes to let me know she's getting tired of my relentless picture taking.

I used to be a horrible picture taker... actually I still am. But a post on my favorite photography blog (shuttersisters.com) released me from this perpetual frustration. One of the fabulous photographers said that even professionals take tons of photos and only get great shots a small percentage of the time. So I'm okay with the fact that I might take 80 shots and only capture one really amazing moment.

Late night musings...

2008-03-03T21:10:00.003-05:00

I always think of great things to blog about as I'm falling asleep at night... and then promptly forget them as I drift off... with no hope of remembrance in the morning. Oh well.

Today, babygirl and I sat out on our back porch for a long time. The weather has been gorgeous here the last few days. She loves to hear the birds. We had to enjoy being outside before we go to Pittsburgh this Friday- where my parents are shoveling snow off the driveway. oy.

Zola's been laughing more and more. This weekend we were rolling up ribbons that had come undone in the move and when I held up a particular piece of pink grosgrain she cracked up. I held it up over and over again and even called my mom on speakerphone...that child must have laughed for at least 20 minutes...it was hilarious! totally made my day.

I took a pregancy test today. I thought I had had a period in January but it's been two months without another. And I know that breastfeeding typically means no periods or random periods, but usually without ovulation. And I know after having a baby a woman's cycle can be crazy for a while... but I also know it happens... Anway, it was negative. We expected to be relieved (and we are) but we are also kind of sad... we love Z so much that we would love to have another... and to have one so close in age to her would be fun. But- for the record- we are not trying.

26 Things

2008-02-25T13:10:00.002-05:00

My friend Beth started this game and it's been continued by my friends Emily S. and Elizabeth Joy...so I'm joining the club.

26 things to do before I turn 26 (January 31, 2009):

1. host a dinner party (with invitations and multiple courses)
2. throw a tie-dye party in my backyard
3. try a star fruit
4. make necklaces for the midwives (and students) that took care of me while I was pregant
5. finish writing "school for weirdos"
6. send "school for weirdos" to a publisher(s?)
7. go to Aveda and have elizabeth dye my hair all funky (to be done after my sister's wedding)
8. bake a souffle
9. scrapbook our wedding
10. scrapbook our honeymoon
11. sell princessgranola designs in a show in tallahassee
12. go on a beach picnic with grant and zola
13. re-paint our kitchen orange
14. stamp the walls in the downstairs bathroom
15. make ice cream cone cupcakes
16. hang artwork all over our house
17. make a photo collage wall in our house
18. read "the lovely bones" by alice sebold
19. make snaptees for my friend's kids (and zola)
20. send birth announcements
21. make zola an outfit from scratch
22. eat a meal at ReangThai
23. tour the capitol building
24. finish setting up zola's room (and paint it pink!)
25. see "gone with the wind"
26. go to a play/musical at the quincy music theatre

Love Thursday

2008-02-14T13:43:00.008-05:00

happy day o'love people.

i love holidays. but what i love more than the holiday itself is always the day after. when the people you are closest too are still there and there is no hallmark reason for extra affection or lovey-dovey googly-eyed looks, but the momentum from the celebration is tipping over and settling in and it's more about the quiet love.

here are some shots i took of z last week. my mom found this princess costume after halloween on the cheap and i figured it would make a great valentine's shot for g- 'to dad, love your little princess'

and since he never reads my blog i can post them on here before he gets his framed photos at dinner tonight.

Smiley Girl

2008-02-08T15:32:00.000-05:00

This is a sweet picture my friend, Emily, took of my daughter, Zola. We were chilling out at Goodwood (the grounds of a really old mansion turned museum here in Tallahassee) Emily and I met when we were both pregnant last summer. Her daughter, Elora, is 8 weeks older than Zola.

i heart green.

2007-03-23T13:28:00.000-04:00

i saw this on another blog and decided to try and see what color green i am. green has been my favorite color for the last few years...all shades. but apparently if i was green, this is what i would be:

You Are Teal Green

You are a one of a kind, original person. There's no one even close to being like you.
Expressive and creative, you have a knack for making the impossible possible.
While you are a bit offbeat, you don't scare people away with your quirks.
Your warm personality nicely counteracts and strange habits you may have.

What Color Green Are You?

Happy Day AFTER Thanksgiving.

2006-11-24T10:40:00.000-05:00

I think this is the real holiday. No more cooking and worrying that everything might be finished at the same time...no more walking gently with the china so it doesn't fall on to the tile floor...no more holiday politeness... Today is just being.

Leftovers
and
shopping
and
napping
and hanging out.

This is the part of the holiday I am most thankful for. And I hope you enjoy this day too.

why do we have to pee?

2006-10-12T13:07:00.000-04:00

so i'm working on getting over a very nasty bladder infection this week.

gross.

i would rather have a migraine.
i would rather have a cold.
i would rather have a sinus infection.
i would rather have a 24 hour bug...
than
a
freaking
bladder
infection.

since monday i have probably drank 7 or 8 gallons of water. i am sloshing as i walk.

this sucks.

transition.

2006-09-23T12:17:00.000-04:00

i just cleaned out my office. my first office ever.

i am crying and smiling.

change is always something that has come rather easily to me. not that i'm really good at it or anything, just used to it. i'm fairly adaptable.

this is the most emotional change i've ever made.

giving up the space that i have carved out over the past 2 years is really painful. i'm turning over my life to someone else along with my students, my community, my responsibilities.

even though i know other people have done this before and survived, right now i feel like no one understands. i feel depressed about this- despite the hope and knowledge i have in jesus that there are more things for me.

i have loved this place like no other.

there are so mnay fruits of my work that i will never see. so many people that i will miss.

last weekend i worked on staff for a Happening retreat in the episcopal diocese of florida (in north fl). i went, anticipating that when i got back i would be prepared to write a scathing report on the retreat- mainly based on the Happenings i attended in high school in PGH. i didn't talk much during the weekend- first of all i didn't know that many people, and second of all i wanted to keep my cynical attitude to myself until i had hard proof for my opinions.

you might wonder why in the world was i there if i felt like this. i went because the rector of the weekend was a girl named karis who was in my small group when she was in 6th grade and i was an intern at her church. we've kept in touch off and on over the last 6 years and she asked me to go. so i went for karis- to love her and support her.

i kept my opinions in my own head for the most part. until the closing eucharist.

karis gave her rector's address and i realized what an ass i was being.

she said, talking about her first Happening experience and life situations at the time, "i realized that my desire for people to love me was really my need to have jesus love me through other people- and that 's what Happening did for me."

if that's the only thing these students get out of the weekend,
it's enough.

i thank my jesus for loving the people of st. philip's through me, for giving me that blessing and i pray the same for all of us.

floating hot pink feathers

2006-06-20T13:45:00.000-04:00

the title of this post pay homage to a post by my dear friend holly. she posted about a day at the beach with her beautiful daughter. floating feathers seems like time slows.

time has just slowed down majorly for grant and i.

on our way home from clemson, sc on sunday we realized that we had not been alone in three weeks.

first was the wedding of my uncle in ohio. so much fun! we all dressed up as doughboys at the reception. then we were in ky with my family hanging out. a day trip to wv to see my new gorgeous cousin, aidan and of course his big brother, david.

then back to miami with my youngest sister in tow for a week complete with vacation bible school and a middle school lock-in. after that the three of us re-packed our bags and headed for tybee island, ga. where we dropped stevie off and spent one night before heading to clemson.

then a week in clemson because grant's best friend, ken, was getting married to this totally amazing woman named nell. we did some pre-wedding white water rafting and luncheons and dinners and errands.

they tied the knot on saturday and we drove back to miami on sunday in a record 11.5 hours.

whew.

yesterday i just didn't know what to do with myself.

Re:encountering Rizpah

2006-05-17T07:02:00.000-04:00

I just read over some of my past posts and I remembered Rizpah. She is a woman from the Old Testament with incredible passion and patience. At the end of my post I asked God to grant me patience like Rizpah.

I still ask for that, but now for different reasons.

At the time I was frustrated about living situations and going to school and working and just lots of craziness in my life.

The craziness has recently died down though. I graduated from college a couple of weeks ago and now am just working part-time - at least, as part-time as ministry can be.

I love my job and the love the people I work with and hang out with here.

But I don't love the way I do my job anymore.

I have been having lots of frustrations for a long time but have not had the time or energy to really think about it, much less actually do anything about it. But now I'm thinking. Particularly in light of my friend, Dixon's, recent post on a new youth ministry book.

My mind wants a formula.

But I know there isn't one.

I only have a few months left here at St. P's. That is not enough to really change things. (Is it?) I'm losing passion. I don't want to do this anymore. This is not to say that I don't want to be a part of these student's lives- just that I don't want to be this seperate arm of the church (an arm often kept at a distance from the rest of the body) This way of doing things is not healthy for anyone.

Yes.

2006-04-20T14:41:00.000-04:00

God is good.
repeat: God is good.

Jesus died and rose again.
repeat: Jesus died and rose again.

Jesus died for my sins, because God is merciful.
repeat: Jesus died for my sins, because God is merciful.

Where you lead me Lord, I will go.
Where you lead me Lord, I will go.
Where you lead me Lord, I will go.
Where you lead me Lord, I will go.
Where you lead me Lord, I will go.
Where you lead me Lord, I will go.

I am not ashamed.
I am not ashamed.
I am not ashamed.

God is good.
God is good.

ha ha ha ha

2006-03-22T14:06:00.000-05:00

nunchucks. freaking hilarious.

good encouragement

2006-03-03T15:23:00.000-05:00

i recently found a calendar that i used to have on my desk. i hadn't seen it in almost 2 years. i'm not sure where i got it. it is a quote calendar that can be used year after year. the quotes are by Mother Theresa.

recently i have felt overwhelmed at work. last weekend God moved in a very intense way. this is what i've been praying for. abut then when it happened and now all of these students are looking to me to help them process and realize that YES! God is real. this week i had been feeling like there was something i had to, some scene i had to create. thank God for good friends. several people have helped me stop. and then i find this calendar and flip it open to today's reading.

The work we do is only a means and not an end in itself. No matter how beautiful the work may be, it is still just a simple means. After all, what matters is to belong to Jesus. The work we do is our love for Christ transformed into deeds.

Praise the Lord. No matter what I do, I still belong to him.

take me down to the paradise city...

2006-02-03T15:43:00.000-05:00

i hate that i neglect this blog so often. poor little blog.

i love my job. i seriously just spent 20 minutes duct-taping 24 rolls of toilet paper.

STEELERS, WAHOO!!! Enough said. If you want to hear a great song look at this- Emily's MySpace

I had my first MRI last weekend. At the beginning of November I was running around with a bunch of 4th and 5th graders and I twisted my ankle. It just felt like how sometimes when you are just walking you twist your ankle and it smarts for a few seconds but you just shake it out and keep going. Well I shook it out, but the pain stayed. It continued swelling and hurting for the next month. I finally saw doctor in December- hairline fracture and bad sprain. I had an aircast for a few weeks (no crutches, thank God). But still it swells and gives me pain.

Then the MRI. Looks like I have some pretty bad damage to my tendons around my inner ankle bone on my right foot. I have to see a specialist- who my doctor said will probably immobalize it for a while... that means I might be hobbling on crutches during our spring retreat. oh crap. at least maybe it will heal so I can stop walking like a rapper.

Speaking of the retreat- time is closing in... I'm starting to be a bit stressed. So much to do... especially b/c of frustrations between the church and school here. please pray that relationships would stay intact. and that I can hold my tongue as needed.

I am going to be a college graduate in 12 weeks. Wow.

Dirty

2005-12-14T18:16:00.000-05:00

Harry's feet left their mark the day he walked through his mother's formal white living room.

>What's next? Be creative. Permission meter=10.<

so much to say

2005-12-12T13:46:00.001-05:00

-the title of the DMB song playing at this moment.

still procrastinating. greek final is due tomorrow. crap. did i really think greek would just be fun? yes, yes i did. and who's taking greek 2 next semester- that would be me.

and on another note- i just had the funniest sounding fart of my life. it actually squeaked.

hola compadres.

2005-12-05T15:16:00.000-05:00

so i haven't posted in about 2 months. i think i just went through this obnoxious, 'i want to feel sorry for myself' cycle. no one was commenting on my blog. sigh. will i ever be able to just get over myself? and not worry about what other people are thinking about me?

i'm probably only writing now because procrastination seems like the best option when i have 2 papers, 2 finals and other various things coming up in the next two weeks. sigh. again.

so now i will take a page off of my sister's xanga. a list of comments to people, without using names, but you will all probably know who you are.

- you are amazing. and i love you more than any other person in my life. even when you feel like i am not appreciating you, i am. sometimes i wonder how one person can have so much patience.

- i know you used to think i was the devil; but i cannot tell you how blessed i am to finally be your friend. i wasted a lot of years. i'm so sorry.

- you are growing up so fast. i know life can be so frustrating right now, but i love you. And even more, so does God. you are beautiful and precious.

- sometimes you drive me crazy. literally. after spending time with you i seriously have to re-align my thought processes that remind of my goodness.

- welcome to the family dork.

- thank you for being able to have difficult discussions. and for loving me even when we only talk every few weeks. see you soon.

- i am so glad you moved to florida. just knowing that you are only a few hours away, and that if i need to just be around someone who has known me for a long time, is a comforting thought.

- you make my stomach hurt. i get mad at you, but then i realize that you don't even know who you are. stop acting. be real for one freaking time. grow up.

- thank you for still being the voice in my head most days. good or bad, at least you are there.

- thank you for creating me and loving me more than i can love myself. thank you for putting all of these people in my life. for better or worse, they have made me who i am and i think i'm pretty cool (mostly.).

Breasts. (the finale.)

2005-12-05T15:15:00.000-05:00

Doug left before the sun came up the next morning. Ana woke up to his alarm but stayed in bed for another hour. Her pajamas were twisted and the collar of her shirt was wet from her tears. At one point in the night she had been shaking so hard, Doug woke up and grunted. She said she was fine, and he rolled back over and started snoring again. She thought about telling him. She dreamed about telling him. But when she reached up to her chest and felt that her breasts were still there she couldn’t. The curtains started glowing as the sun came up and a short time later the television in the living room started blaring cartoon music. Ana took a quick shower and got dressed, deciding to wear the tightest shirt she owned. Cate and Bella were snuggled together on the couch. She asked them what they would like for breakfast and then walked into the kitchen. She got the cereal out of the pantry and the girls’ favorite bowls off the shelf. Her favorite aunt had died because she had chosen not to do anything about her own diagnosis. She poured some cereal into each bowl and then opened the refrigerator for the milk. Her aunt’s breasts had killed her. The milk spilled onto the floor. Ana cursed and ripped off some paper towels. Ana was certainly not ready to die. Bella walked into the kitchen, dragging her blanket behind her.
“Mommy?” Ana looked up and stopped wiping the floor. “What are you doing?”
“I spilled some milk so now I’m cleaning it up.”
“Oh.” Bella stuck her thumb in her mouth and rubbed the silky edge of her blanket across her cheek. “Is my cereal ready now?”
Ana scooped up the wet paper towels and dropped them in the garbage can. Then she went to the sink and rinsed her hands. “Can you get Cate and come to the table?”
Bella turned around and went to find her sister. Ana placed the bowls on top of the rubber placemats in the shape of the United States and then sat down and put her head in her hands. She could feel her breasts pushing against the backs of her arms. The girls climbed up into their chairs and started slurping their breakfast. She didn’t even know how to tell them. Mommies were supposed to have breasts. That’s how you knew they were mommies. How do you talk about that with a four year old and a two year old? Bella started counting out loud the number of marshmallows still floating in her bowl. Ana thought about the breast milk still frozen in the basement freezer. She didn’t need it anymore. Cate had been weaned for almost a year. When the girls started splashing more cereal onto the table than they were eating Ana took the bowls over to the sink.
“It’s time to get ready for school, girls.” The sisters climbed down from their chairs and shuffled their socked feet across the floor. Ana smoothed down their hair and bent down to kiss them each on the forehead. “I love you both very much.”
“We love you too, Mommy.” Bella was quick to reassure her mother.
Cate smiled and said, “Wes, we do.” Ana knelt on the floor and pulled them close. Their heads squished against her breasts. Ana thought that her bones would not be so comfortable.
“Okay guys, let’s get ready now.” She patted their butts and sent them out the door to start picking out their clothes. Then she called Doug and asked him out for lunch. He checked his calendar and said that he could meet her at noon. She figured that he probably thought she’d gotten a call from the doctor. But she didn’t tell him anything yet. After dropping the kids off at preschool, Ana raced back to the house to get ready for lunch. She curled her hair and put on a short skirt that matched her tight top. She skipped the mascara but made sure to wear the pearls Doug had given her for her last birthday. Her hands were so shaky she could barely work the clasp. She checked the clock as she slipped on her shoes. An hour before she had to leave. She went downstairs and sat on the couch. Her shoes dropped to the floor as she tucked her legs up underneath her bottom. The girls had left the television on, so she picked up the remote and flipped through the channels. Soap operas and infomercials. She stopped on a woman advertising a yoga video. She was on a mat stretching in a purple leotard. Ana’s yoga classes were on Tuesday mornings. She turned the television off and threw the remote against the wall. Then she called Doug and told him that she wasn’t going to make it to lunch. When he asked her why, she told him that she had forgotten about a homeroom mother’s luncheon for Bella’s class. He didn’t say much, just asked her if she was okay. She apologized, told him that she was fine and that she would be home in time to have dinner ready.
Ana hung up the phone in the kitchen and stood, staring out the window for a moment. She took the barrette out of her hair and laid it on the counter. Her hair fell down and grazed her shoulders. She walked into the hallway and took her shirt off. She dropped it on the floor and then reached up to unhook her bra. The air was cold. Wrapping her arms around her breasts, Ana walked up to her bedroom and got into bed. She closed her eyes and tried to forget.
The phone rang.
It was her mother. Just calling to chat. Ana grabbed a t-shirt from her closet and slipped it over her head while balancing the cordless phone between her chin and her shoulder.
“No. I haven’t heard yet.” Ana started straightening out the clothes on Doug’s side of the closet. “No, Mom. I’m not going to call them again.” She hung the empty hangers on her hand. “Maybe next week.” Ana walked downstairs to the laundry room and tried to change the subject. “Can you pick the girls up after school today?” She flipped the light switch on the wall above the dryer. “Do you think they can spend the night with you?” She hung the hangers on the bar attached to the wall. “I just thought it would be nice for Doug and I to have an evening together.” She hopped up to sit on the washer. “Nothing’s wrong. We just haven’t really seen each other much recently.” Her feet swung and banged against the metal side. “They should have clothes at your place. And since they don’t have school tomorrow you can just call whenever you need me to come get them.” Ana slumped against the wall. “Thanks, Mom. I’ll call the school and let them know you’re coming. The girls will be excited.”
Ana called the school and let them know about her mother and then went to the grocery to buy some things for dinner. She picked out the chicken and tomatoes she needed for Doug’s favorite dish, Angel Hair Pasta with Chicken and Prosciutto. He probably wouldn’t even know what to say when she told him. He’d just hold her. Ana checked her cart and thought about the ingredients she already had at home. But would he look at her differently? Hold her more gently? Garlic. She needed garlic. And maybe something for dessert. Her mother’s motto was bad news is always better over something sweet.
When Doug got home, he stepped inside and called out for his wife. Ana heard him and tried to finish getting ready faster. She had turned off the lights downstairs. And when she didn’t answer, she heard him set his briefcase down and walk towards the kitchen. Good, maybe he would sit at the table and wait for her. She had lit candles on the dining room table and left the pasta warming on the stove. He called out for Cate and Bella.
She heard him walk towards the stairs as she stepped into her dress.
“Ana.” He started going up. “Ana.”
“Be there in a sec.” She had the zipper halfway up when she looked up and saw him standing there. He was smiling.
“I can help you with that.” He walked over behind his wife and removed her hands from the back of her dress. She curled her toes on the linoleum. He took the zipper in his fingers and slowly moved it down. He bent his head down and his breath was hot on her neck.
“Doug.” His name came almost like a moan.
“The kids aren’t here, are they?” He smiled at her through the mirror.
She tried to wiggle away from him. “No, but dinner is—“
“I don’t really think I care right now.” He grabbed her waist and turned her to face him. “I don’t even remember the last time…” He weaved his fingers through her hair and tipped her head up. His kiss was long and hard and Ana’s knees felt weak. Her dress slipped off her shoulders and rested on her waist. Doug ran his hands down past her shoulders and fumbled to unfasten her bra. He pulled the straps down and released her. Ana closed her eyes and raised her head towards the ceiling. Doug pushed her against the counter and crushed his hips to hers. She reached her hands back, placing them on the counter as she arched her back. Her husband’s hands were warm against her skin. His lips hovered near the curve of her neck. His hands embraced her breasts and Ana decided to tell him tomorrow.

Breasts, Part 1

2005-10-03T17:05:00.000-04:00

Ana stood naked in front of the bathroom mirror with her hands pressed down over her breasts, imagining what she would look like without them. Her daughters, Cate and Bella, were sticking their tiny fingers underneath the locked door trying to get in. Ana turned from side to side. Cate and Bella called out for their mama. She pressed her breasts down harder. If the treatment made her lose her hair, she’d look like a boy. The front door banged shut and the fingers disappeared from underneath the door.
Ana’s husband, Doug, called out for her and then made his way upstairs. She heard the girls intercept him halfway. He laughed and kissed their round cheeks. “Ana?” He called her name again.
She dropped her breasts and her shoulders lurched slightly forward. Her bra was lying on the sink. Ana hooked it around her stomach and pulled up the straps. After throwing on her t-shirt she opened the door. Doug was already coming through the doorway to their bedroom. She hadn’t told him the diagnosis yet. The appointment that morning was still a bit of a blur. He wrapped his arms around her waist and squeezed until her feet barely touched the ground. Cate and Bella giggled and grabbed their parents’ legs. Ana buried her head in his shoulder and kissed him on the neck. Doug released her and turned to his daughters.
“Who wants to help Daddy find his slippers?” They both raised their arms and jumped up and down, squealing.
“One, two, three, go.” Cate took off first, running downstairs while Bella wiggled underneath her parents’ bed. Ana followed Doug into the closet.
“How was work?” She said while helping him find a pair of jeans hanging in the back.
“Fine. Nothing exciting.” He slipped off his shoes and slid off his belt. “How was your appointment this morning?” He hung his belt on the rack.
“No big deal.” She picked up her husband’s shoes and placed them in line with the others.
Doug stopped unbuttoning his shirt. “Did they tell you anything?”
“No. Something about the tests taking a while to get back.” Ana turned her back to him and bit her lip.
“Well, maybe next week.” He smiled at her back and reached up to rub her neck. Ana knew she’d have to tell him eventually. But not here, in the closet. He started to slide his hands down her shoulders when Cate and Bella ran into the space, each waving a blue slipper.
“I found mine first, Daddy. I did. I did.” Bella tried to push her sister out of the way, but Cate, who tried to never let her older sister win, shoved the shoe in her father’s hand first. As Bella clenched her teeth, Doug bent down and grabbed both girls in his arms. He smiled up at his wife and reached his hand up to bring her into the circle.

Commuting Stories from Hell :: Part One

2005-08-22T15:39:00.000-04:00

I was driving to work last Monday; the first time I had driven to work from our new place. People had been telling us that the road we lived on was the best to drive west to work. There are only a few roads that go the entire 10 miles without dead-ending at a highway. So I'm all psyched. I've got my sunglasses and my morning diet coke and the radio loud and I am so happy that I only have to drive 11 miles to work instead of the 40 miles I was driving before. No longer would it take me an hour and a half each way. I'm thinking, 20 minutes, max.

One hour and 5 minutes later I walk into work. My hair has frizzed out of the ponytail. My coke is long gone, the can thrown to the floorboards.

All along the road the 'people' had said was so great, traffic was stopped. There were four schools in sessions relegating 15mph speed limits and then the road suddenly goes from four to two lanes.

And as I drove by an intersection just a few short blocks from my home I noticed that the road was wet. I thought it odd to have only rained in such a small area. But then the news portion of my radio station came on and made the announcement:

"A police check-point has just been lifted off the corner of blank and blank. There are still several police cars in the area and they are still hosing the blood off the sidewalk due to the homicide this morning. Man A was found dead outside the local check cashing store and another, still alive, was found inside. This incident has caused a large back up for this mornings commuters."

Where the hell do we live?

Who knew?

2005-08-11T12:46:00.000-04:00

Apparently not me.

Did you know that if you open a can of half-frozen diet coke it will explode all over the place causing you to mop up carbonated beverage from your floor and your arms and your feet?

Rizpah

2005-08-08T14:48:00.000-04:00

Grant and I have been on vacation a lot this summer. It has been nice.

We visited with both of our families and spent some time at camp where we both had the opportunity to relax and re-coop from our daily madness in miami.

Now we are back and taking it one day at a time. At camp we re-discovered what it means to take things slow. And we got back into the swing of lots of prayer. When life gets crazy and frustrating it is easier to just go to sleep at night and sleep until the last second in the morning than to stay up or get up early and pray alone and together.

My brain reminded me that it is very typically human to want to hang out with someone we admire and love. Which means that I need to be spending more time in conversation with Jesus.

I discovered an amazing story in the Bible as I was preparing for camp. And surprisingly it is the story that seemed to most move the students (rising 6th graders).

The story of Rizpah is found in 2Samuel. David is king and he decideds to make ammends with this town called Gibeon. A long time before now, Saul and his family had broken a truce and murdered several men in Gibeon. Gibeon's been pissed for years and God is pissed because of what Saul did. So God keeps the fields dry until David asks why and God let's David know that the Gibeons deserve compensation for Saul's actions. David is like, 'Crap. This sucks.' But he knows what he has to do so he chooses 7 men from Saul's bloodline to hand over to the Gibeons. 2 of these men are sons of Rizpah and the other 5 are her nephews. Rizpah was Saul's concubine so her sons were considered lesser regarding familial inheritance. The Gibeons kill the men and display their bodies out on a hill where everyone can see them. Rizpah is devasted but she knows that she cannot remove the bodies and because of her status she cannot go straight to the king so she gets some black cloth and spreads it out near the bodies and she stays there. She stays through the harvest until the next rainy season began. She fights off the animals that come night and day to pick at the corpses. Finally David finds out what she's been doing and he agrees to properly bury the bodies. And once the bodies are buried, God blesses the land.

I give myself a week before I would have been sick and tired of the hot sun and the birds picking at me and the wild animals stalking me before I would have gone back to my home.

It is only with the amazing patience of God that a person could sacrifice so much and stay only in each day without worrying about the future, but only about what needs to be done now.

God, grant me the patience to pursue your will each day with the perserverance of Rizpah. Amen.

religion or science?

2005-07-18T08:11:00.000-04:00

While procrastinating the taking of my online midterm this morning I searched around some blogs and came across an interesting post. The question was, Would you rather live in a world without science or religion. You can read the comments here:

http://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=10909589&postID=112137788076959236

What do you think?

moving sucks

2005-07-12T12:45:00.000-04:00

crap.

we need a place to live. it seems like every lead we get goes flat very fast. actually it seems like that because it is true.

our lease is up aug. 19 (pushed back from july 31) and our current has already been rented to new leasers. so we are screwed. i have called 100s of places to no avail. the ares we want to live in are too expensive and other areas well, just aren't options.

please God show us where you want us to be. you knew before we were born where we would be living come august 20, 2005. help us find that place.

Over a month

2005-07-11T10:03:00.000-04:00

It's been over a month since I last posted.

Sometimes I am just not sure how to express my internal dialogue.

There has been a battle raging in my belly.

I am having issues with scripture and the church and tradition and how do I know that I am right and that the only way to God is through Jesus. This is scary for me. It is just so complicated.

I was in a class several weeks where we were discussing religion and in trying to explain my beliefs, my professor thought I was agnostic. I said no, but I couldn't make myself say in front of the whole class that Jesus is the only way to heaven and that if you don't believe in Him you are going to hell. The arrogance of that comment overwhelmed me as I looked at the faces of these people, my peers, who believe just as strongly in something else. They would have scoffed and labeled my a holy-roller and that would have been the end.

What could I have said? What should I have said?

I hear other's intrepretations of scripture and my perversion alarm rings and I puff out my chest and claim that 'No, that is not correct. I know what that verse really means'. I don't want to feel like this. Arrogance is not evidence of God's love.

I want to find confidence without pomposity.

What is my problem? Why can't I just get it and go on with life?

NEW Ministry

2005-05-31T19:56:00.000-04:00

What is it about the word 'new' that just pisses me off?

It implies that the 'old' wasn't good enough.

It implies that we needed something better.

My church is tossing around the idea of creating a service on Wednesday nights. It would consist of eucharist and fellowship time. Probably with guitars and drums instead of organ adn possibly more involving teaching time but I hesitate at calling it our "New Wednesday Night Service." (not that anyone has purposed that yet) I think we should just call it "Wednesday Night Worship." Let what is attract people instead of it's cool name.

On another note, I think I'm having a break-down today.

Grant and I just spent 3 wonderful days together doing nothing. We hung out at home and rented movies and I cooked for the first time in months. It was blissful. But today I am freaking out.

I had a migraine last night that lasted into this morning and I couldn't get out of the house so I slept. Which means that I slept right through a mid-term for one of my summer classes. I am such an idiot. I wasn't even thinking about it this morning but now I feel like an ass. My professor is deciding if she's going to let me make it up. If she doesn't, my highest grade will be a C.. that is IF I get 100's on everything else.

Summer class is killing me.

I'm taking 3 classes and trying to work which includes getting a lock-in together in two weeks, running VBS (which is a whole other story), end of the year graduations for all the kids, finally posting my summer schedule which keeps getting knocked around.... oh, and we are trying to move.

Our lease is up at the end of July but we just realized that we are going to be gone at that time so we have to move closer to the beginning of July. Which means I have to find a place- not so easy down here- and find some movers (because after the last time I promised that I would never make Grant move us again).

I feel like I just want to quit something. School or work are pretty much my only two options. But I can't quit in the middle of the semester and work is good and I love it.

I don't know.

I think I just needed to rant.

alt.?

2005-05-26T21:16:00.000-04:00

i've been looking at this site www.alternativeworship.org and i'm feeling frustrated. the language just is not finished yet.

it is not inviting to everyone. words like 'new' and 'fun' and 'are you tired of church?' are annoying because they stand for pushing something away.

i really think we need to be careful and watch how our 'emerging' language is affecting the younger generations. because if we don't we will raise a generation of community lovers who only love their community.

i like what this place had to say, www.oatmealbible.org :

"Our worship is eclectic, user-friendly, casual, fun, and sometimes a little loud. We like to try new things and experiment a bit. When we fail, we fail spectacularly. We are not traditional, contemporary, modern, or post-modern, just kind of mixed up. We love Generations X, Y, Z, and all the rest of the alphabet, too."

what are you?

2005-05-26T13:58:00.000-04:00

You scored as Cultural Creative. Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational.

Cultural Creative

81%

Postmodernist

75%

Modernist

69%

Romanticist

44%

Fundamentalist

31%

Existentialist

31%

Idealist

31%

Materialist

What is Your World View? (updated)
created with QuizFarm.com

Netflix

2005-05-24T15:48:00.000-04:00

I wish there was system for books- make a list online and send them back and then get new ones.

NetBooks

There are so many things I would like to read but I just can't afford them all.

Language

2005-05-24T14:30:00.000-04:00

I am learning a new language.

I have had several professors over the last two semesters that have helped open my eyes to just how capitalist and individualistic I am.

Just the fact that I can not imagine a language without the word 'opportunity' screams how entrenched I am.

More on this later.

OHMYGOODNESS

2005-05-18T12:49:00.000-04:00

So someone chose today to get the landscapers in. They are buzzsawing freaking trees right outside my window.

Could anything be more annoying?

TenThousandandfirst Maniac

2005-05-16T14:53:00.000-04:00

The music director where I work just told me that my voice reminds him of Natalie Merchant when I sing.

I think I can live off that for a few months.

My voice has changed so much over the years. I love to sing and it's really fun when someone notices.