*NEW* Ministry

What is it about the word 'new' that just pisses me off?

It implies that the 'old' wasn't good enough.

It implies that we needed something better.

My church is tossing around the idea of creating a service on Wednesday nights. It would consist of eucharist and fellowship time. Probably with guitars and drums instead of organ adn possibly more involving teaching time but I hesitate at calling it our "New Wednesday Night Service." (not that anyone has purposed that yet) I think we should just call it "Wednesday Night Worship." Let what is attract people instead of it's cool name.

On another note, I think I'm having a break-down today.

Grant and I just spent 3 wonderful days together doing nothing. We hung out at home and rented movies and I cooked for the first time in months. It was blissful. But today I am freaking out.

I had a migraine last night that lasted into this morning and I couldn't get out of the house so I slept. Which means that I slept right through a mid-term for one of my summer classes. I am such an idiot. I wasn't even thinking about it this morning but now I feel like an ass. My professor is deciding if she's going to let me make it up. If she doesn't, my highest grade will be a C.. that is IF I get 100's on everything else.

Summer class is killing me.

I'm taking 3 classes and trying to work which includes getting a lock-in together in two weeks, running VBS (which is a whole other story), end of the year graduations for all the kids, finally posting my summer schedule which keeps getting knocked around.... oh, and we are trying to move.

Our lease is up at the end of July but we just realized that we are going to be gone at that time so we have to move closer to the beginning of July. Which means I have to find a place- not so easy down here- and find some movers (because after the last time I promised that I would never make Grant move us again).

I feel like I just want to quit something. School or work are pretty much my only two options. But I can't quit in the middle of the semester and work is good and I love it.

I don't know.

I think I just needed to rant.

alt.?

i've been looking at this site www.alternativeworship.org and i'm feeling frustrated. the language just is not finished yet.

it is not inviting to everyone. words like 'new' and 'fun' and 'are you tired of church?' are annoying because they stand for pushing something away.

i really think we need to be careful and watch how our 'emerging' language is affecting the younger generations. because if we don't we will raise a generation of community lovers who only love their community.

i like what this place had to say, www.oatmealbible.org :

"Our worship is eclectic, user-friendly, casual, fun, and sometimes a little loud. We like to try new things and experiment a bit. When we fail, we fail spectacularly. We are not traditional, contemporary, modern, or post-modern, just kind of mixed up. We love Generations X, Y, Z, and all the rest of the alphabet, too."

what are you?

You scored as Cultural Creative. Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational. Cultural Creative 81% Postmodernist 75% Modernist 69% Romanticist 44% Fundamentalist 31% Existentialist 31% Idealist 31% Materialist 6% What is Your World View? (updated) created with QuizFarm.com

Netflix

I wish there was system for books- make a list online and send them back and then get new ones.

NetBooks

There are so many things I would like to read but I just can't afford them all.

Language

I am learning a new language.

I have had several professors over the last two semesters that have helped open my eyes to just how capitalist and individualistic I am.

Just the fact that I can not imagine a language without the word 'opportunity' screams how entrenched I am.

More on this later.

OHMYGOODNESS

So someone chose today to get the landscapers in. They are buzzsawing freaking trees right outside my window.

Could anything be more annoying?

TenThousandandfirst Maniac

The music director where I work just told me that my voice reminds him of Natalie Merchant when I sing.

I think I can live off that for a few months.

My voice has changed so much over the years. I love to sing and it's really fun when someone notices.

music

i've really been into music recently.

grant gave me an ipod for my birthday in january and i love it. i just got itunes on my work computer last week and i have already bought over 20 songs. i'm exploring and i love it.

been thinking a lot recently about music worship. the moment i decided to follow jesus was during a song that showed me how God is my father. i needed that at that second and music has been a huge part of my growing and knowing Christ.

i think it's because music is such an intimate thing. i've had the fantastic experience of hanging out with the amazing derek washington the last couple of days. he shared some of his music with the parish yesterday in thanks for supporting his family while they were missionaries in nepal. i sat in on his practice yesterday afternoon and he was playing some worship songs that i learned years ago and the words came back to me instantly and while i was singing i felt closer to God than i have in a long time. it was relaxing and intimate. i let my guard down for the first time in months.

a lot of worship songs talk about I and Me. so what? i have two identities in Christ- one that is personal and one that is a part of my community. i think sometimes we get so sidetracked by being frustrated with the past (specifically the total individualization of religion) that we only concentrate on the community forms and forget that both are important. everyone needs personal forms of worship that help guide their faith in order to be a part of another group.

all i'm saying is that for me, music worship is deep and intense; something that i can't get anywhere else. and i'm okay with that.

if ever

so, if someone ever decides to give me a spanish baby girl i would name her Ana Lucia.

if God ever gave me the decision to make everyone the same or not, sometimes i think i would. is it bad that differentness gets on my nerves occassionally?

static

my mind is in a weird state of staticiness today. i have been at work since about 9:30 but i really can't say anything i've actually accomplished. on monday night i had a paper due and a final exam. then on tuesday morning i had 3 papers due. i didn't sleep for four days. and even though i did get some good sleep last night i am still not functioning properly.

it also doesn't help that my office (well my corner in eric's office) is all packed up just waiting for my new office furniture to get here. what should i be doing? oh, about a million things, but who's counting.

i haven't seen eric sitting down to work today either. we are both just wandering around the campus, back and forth between offices thinking about what kind of pictures to hang in the bathroom and how to arrange our new offices.

we are pretty sure that we are both the same meyers-briggs. interesting. that's probably why we both drive everyone else crazy. when people look at our office in disgust he just tells them that to us it's organized.

i hate feeling anxious all the time. i would say that i feel anxious about 40% of the time. and i can't figure out why. i can't make it go away. mylanta is my best friend.

i think it would really help if we didn't live so far away from the rest of our lives.

and i want to have a baby.

will i ever graduate?

Radio

There's a 'christian' radio station here in Miami that has this slogan, "Because you care what your kids are listening to"

Wow.

Are you kidding me?

As if parents who are not christians don't care?

As if all 'secular' music is satanic?

Oh my.

I hate those stupid distinctions. I listen to all the stations with music I like- christian, pop, hard core rock, 80's, classical- whatever.

I wish someone would just create a national radio station that just plays music that is good and pleasing to God. It doesn't have to be 'praise' music. It doesn't even have to say Jesus. Just good stuff.

Thought for the day:
So called 'secular' stations have the grace to play songs from christian bands. But you will never hear a 'secular' song played on a 'christian' station... well unless they are bashing it.

Warning!: Boob Post

I found that if I squish my boobs into a smaller sports bra that moves them more to the middle of my body I look skinnier.

I think I might invest in a few more.

Why is it that I have lost 10 pounds but not an ounce has come off my boobs?

As soon as I'm done having kids they are gone. I can't wait.

BOLO

Be On the Look Out

Mr. Ice Blue Rasberry Lemonade Kool-Aid Man has left my grocer's shelves.

If you find him please email me immediately so we may set up the exchange.

Reward: 6 Dozen Eggs

I miss him.

Find him.

Thesis

I am going to write a thesis for the honors college over the next few months.

any ideas? perhaps something you have always wanted to research but don't have time?

please post.

thank you.

thank you very much.

WildLIFE

on friday night i am having a lock-in for my WildLIFE group- 4th and 5th graders.

normally we only hang out once a month for a couple of hours on a sunday afternoon- we usually have about 10-15 kids.

friday night- there is a strong possibility we will have 40.

holy crap.

for real.

i think i might crap myself.

praise God that He is good.

and faithful.

and omniprescent.

because i am not.

grant is not.

pray that someone reliable and jesus-loving would answer our ad for volunteers.

we need more.

would you like to come?

Born into Brothels

You should see this movie if:

[you have ever felt ungrateful for anything in your life]

[you love beautiful photography]

[you love children]

[you think the US is a horrible place to live]

[you have multiple family albums to peruse at your will]

[you have a passport]

[you need a break from your self-centered world]

[you enjoy quality films]

[you are looking for something new to be passionate about]

[you are a living, breathing human being]

Never Even Left

i just got back to my office. this morning i helped out at a bake sale at my previous place of appointment. grant still works there but i have been gone since last august.

it seriously took most people at least 15 minutes to realize that i no longer worked there.

zombies.

W ait In G

I'm sitting here waiting for a 7pm meeting. being as i live an hour or more away from work it just doesn't make sense to go all the way home after my 2pm class only to return an hour-ish later. So i am waiting. I have decided that i am not very good at waiting. as i wait my mind
tends to
wander around
aimlessly.
i always plan
to get lots o f thIng s
done.
but for some
reason it seems like a
better idea to
read articles on
youthspecialties.com
or check on my
favorite
american idol
contestants.
i could be;
planning for wildlife on sunday

planning for superheroes in 2 weeks
reading 'ruth hall' for class

reading 'big money' for another class

reading 'lousianna power and light' for fun
reading 'the lie that tells a truth' for fun

talking to beth or brynn or ana, (whatever her name is) my newest character who has just found out she has breast cancer and isn't sure how or when to tell her husband and i'm still not completely sure why he wasn't with her when she found out

but no, i'm just sitting
here.

wasting time.

and loving it.

pumice

On Saturday Grant and I attended Youth Specialties 'The Core' conference. For me it was a great reminder of why I do what I do and that I am on the right track and that it's okay that my students don't always listen or wear pants with juicy across the bum.

For Grant, the conference was like a revelation into the lives of 6th grade boys. Apparently my suggestions of talking and praying for eachother have just not been going as well in his male small group as they have with my girls.

Me: I am so sorry that I just haven't been able to give you some good advice on how to connect with middle school guys.

Grant: That's okay honey. It's because you know what a pumice stone is for.

ministry headache

what is my job? the way i see it: i want to invite young people to know christ. i want them to yearn for him. to love him more than anything else. but i can't make them. there is nothing i can do personally to make that happen and it pisses me off.

i get tired of playing jello games and toilet tag. i feel very unsettled. i want God to blow them away. they giggle and poke eachother when we pray.

am i doing enough?

am i doing too much?

do i talk about God enough?

do we read the Bible enough?

do we pray enough?

should i try harder with music worship?

should i start a second group for those who want to be more intense?

do i spend enough personal time with God?

am i normal?