Tuesday, May 31, 2005

*NEW* Ministry

What is it about the word 'new' that just pisses me off?

It implies that the 'old' wasn't good enough.

It implies that we needed something better.

My church is tossing around the idea of creating a service on Wednesday nights. It would consist of eucharist and fellowship time. Probably with guitars and drums instead of organ adn possibly more involving teaching time but I hesitate at calling it our "New Wednesday Night Service." (not that anyone has purposed that yet) I think we should just call it "Wednesday Night Worship." Let what is attract people instead of it's cool name.

On another note, I think I'm having a break-down today.

Grant and I just spent 3 wonderful days together doing nothing. We hung out at home and rented movies and I cooked for the first time in months. It was blissful. But today I am freaking out.

I had a migraine last night that lasted into this morning and I couldn't get out of the house so I slept. Which means that I slept right through a mid-term for one of my summer classes. I am such an idiot. I wasn't even thinking about it this morning but now I feel like an ass. My professor is deciding if she's going to let me make it up. If she doesn't, my highest grade will be a C.. that is IF I get 100's on everything else.

Summer class is killing me.

I'm taking 3 classes and trying to work which includes getting a lock-in together in two weeks, running VBS (which is a whole other story), end of the year graduations for all the kids, finally posting my summer schedule which keeps getting knocked around.... oh, and we are trying to move.

Our lease is up at the end of July but we just realized that we are going to be gone at that time so we have to move closer to the beginning of July. Which means I have to find a place- not so easy down here- and find some movers (because after the last time I promised that I would never make Grant move us again).

I feel like I just want to quit something. School or work are pretty much my only two options. But I can't quit in the middle of the semester and work is good and I love it.

I don't know.

I think I just needed to rant.

Thursday, May 26, 2005


i've been looking at this site www.alternativeworship.org and i'm feeling frustrated. the language just is not finished yet.

it is not inviting to everyone. words like 'new' and 'fun' and 'are you tired of church?' are annoying because they stand for pushing something away.

i really think we need to be careful and watch how our 'emerging' language is affecting the younger generations. because if we don't we will raise a generation of community lovers who only love their community.

i like what this place had to say, www.oatmealbible.org :

"Our worship is eclectic, user-friendly, casual, fun, and sometimes a little loud. We like to try new things and experiment a bit. When we fail, we fail spectacularly. We are not traditional, contemporary, modern, or post-modern, just kind of mixed up. We love Generations X, Y, Z, and all the rest of the alphabet, too."

what are you?

You scored as Cultural Creative. Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational.

Cultural Creative
















What is Your World View? (updated)
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Tuesday, May 24, 2005


I wish there was system for books- make a list online and send them back and then get new ones.


There are so many things I would like to read but I just can't afford them all.


I am learning a new language.

I have had several professors over the last two semesters that have helped open my eyes to just how capitalist and individualistic I am.

Just the fact that I can not imagine a language without the word 'opportunity' screams how entrenched I am.

More on this later.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005


So someone chose today to get the landscapers in. They are buzzsawing freaking trees right outside my window.

Could anything be more annoying?

Monday, May 16, 2005

TenThousandandfirst Maniac

The music director where I work just told me that my voice reminds him of Natalie Merchant when I sing.

I think I can live off that for a few months.

My voice has changed so much over the years. I love to sing and it's really fun when someone notices.

Monday, May 02, 2005


i've really been into music recently.

grant gave me an ipod for my birthday in january and i love it. i just got itunes on my work computer last week and i have already bought over 20 songs. i'm exploring and i love it.

been thinking a lot recently about music worship. the moment i decided to follow jesus was during a song that showed me how God is my father. i needed that at that second and music has been a huge part of my growing and knowing Christ.

i think it's because music is such an intimate thing. i've had the fantastic experience of hanging out with the amazing derek washington the last couple of days. he shared some of his music with the parish yesterday in thanks for supporting his family while they were missionaries in nepal. i sat in on his practice yesterday afternoon and he was playing some worship songs that i learned years ago and the words came back to me instantly and while i was singing i felt closer to God than i have in a long time. it was relaxing and intimate. i let my guard down for the first time in months.

a lot of worship songs talk about I and Me. so what? i have two identities in Christ- one that is personal and one that is a part of my community. i think sometimes we get so sidetracked by being frustrated with the past (specifically the total individualization of religion) that we only concentrate on the community forms and forget that both are important. everyone needs personal forms of worship that help guide their faith in order to be a part of another group.

all i'm saying is that for me, music worship is deep and intense; something that i can't get anywhere else. and i'm okay with that.

if ever

so, if someone ever decides to give me a spanish baby girl i would name her Ana Lucia.

if God ever gave me the decision to make everyone the same or not, sometimes i think i would. is it bad that differentness gets on my nerves occassionally?