Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Re:encountering Rizpah

I just read over some of my past posts and I remembered Rizpah. She is a woman from the Old Testament with incredible passion and patience. At the end of my post I asked God to grant me patience like Rizpah.

I still ask for that, but now for different reasons.

At the time I was frustrated about living situations and going to school and working and just lots of craziness in my life.

The craziness has recently died down though. I graduated from college a couple of weeks ago and now am just working part-time - at least, as part-time as ministry can be.

I love my job and the love the people I work with and hang out with here.

But I don't love the way I do my job anymore.

I have been having lots of frustrations for a long time but have not had the time or energy to really think about it, much less actually do anything about it. But now I'm thinking. Particularly in light of my friend, Dixon's, recent post on a new youth ministry book.

My mind wants a formula.

But I know there isn't one.

I only have a few months left here at St. P's. That is not enough to really change things. (Is it?) I'm losing passion. I don't want to do this anymore. This is not to say that I don't want to be a part of these student's lives- just that I don't want to be this seperate arm of the church (an arm often kept at a distance from the rest of the body) This way of doing things is not healthy for anyone.